I used to party like a waitress; now I am to be a Kitchen Queen (AKA Eilonwy.) My mother is under the mistaken impression that I'm getting married. Observe:
And by no means is that everything.
It was the conversation that ensued that was hilarious.
Mommy: Well, what do you think of what I bought you?
Chana: (utterly shocked) I was expecting a few pots and pans when you said you were buying me a kitchen.
Mommy: A few pots and pans? For shame. You're going to cook!
Chana: But it's like you think I'm getting married! You bought me a whole kitchen, not something to use while living in an apartment with a couple of girls.
Mommy: But you're going to have people over for Shabbos, aren't you?
Chana: Yes, but...
Mommy: *beatific smile*
Chana: Well, I guess when I get married I won't have to buy anything. I'll have all of this.
Mommy: *looking at me as though I were crazy* You think that I'm going to let you keep this rubbish when you get married? No, we'll buy you a whole new kitchen.
Mommy: Oh yes, and then there are the linens and the sheets (continues listing items)
Chana: He's a lucky guy, whoever he is; he's not going to have to pay for a kitchen.
Mommy: Chana, you are not keeping this kitchen when you get married. Do you think I love you so little that this would be your dowry?
Chana: Um. This is little?
Mommy: *rolls eyes* Sweetheart, you have no idea what I've got in store for you.
Dear Future Husband, whomever you may be, you are a lucky guy. You won't have to spend your money on kitchen items. Or on anything else, apparently, so long as my Mother has her way. Also, I'm the one who has to toivel all of this. Toiveling party! Rainwater in mikvas, what could be more splendiferous....sigh. Lost my mojo; need it back. Little talking dragon out of Mulan, where the hell are you?