Sunday, June 21, 2009

Daddy's Girl

Just the word 'Daddy' brings so many images to my mind.

There are the recent ones, like you teaching me Chassidus yesterday, and explaining about the four different worlds. Or you telling over the beautiful devar torah by the Netziv regarding the fact that the Mekoshesh believed that he was doing something good in demonstrating that one should not transgress Shabbos, but that is why we are told not to 'stray after our heart or eyes.' One should not commit aveiros l'shma.

There's your everlasting commitment to all of us, and the dreams you have forgone in order to do that. Every day that you are at work, I realize that you have enabled us to pursue all our dreams by trading in your own, and that both impresses me and makes me sad.

There are our many memorable rides to the airport, and the various discussions we have.

There's your constant ability to listen to me despite my moods, which can at times be dark or otherwise frustrating. Whenever I want to talk to you, you make time for me. You're very calm and understanding. You ignore my redundancy or other attention-seeking behavior in order to focus on my problem at the time.

You know that I secretly can read Hebrew extremely well, and that if I don't bother to think about it while doing so, I surprise myself, too. *smile*

You used to come to my room and chase away the nightmares. The nightmares have gotten bigger and scarier and you still show me that there's a way out even so.

You drive me everywhere and back, despite the hour.

You laugh, enjoy Rabbi Rakeffet, smile at the Flintstones and bear up well under your children's good-natured teasing.

I have always grown up thinking that you are a tzadik and whenever I read about tzadikim in my books, I envisioned you. It's still true.

You always have the answers. And if you don't have them, it's generally because there are none to be had and I have to work it out for myself, unfortunately.

You worry about all of us (and me) consistently. This shows that you care. We all love you back just as much, if not more.

I'm not the easiest child by any means, what with my questions and demands and wanting to know things, my sadnesses, my madcap follies or other foolishness. I thank you for looking past all that and realizing I don't mean to make your life as difficult as I do. And that I wouldn't have any other father in the world but you, regardless of their learning, stature or status. You're my perfect Daddy and I'm glad my soul picked you. It says children pick their parents; well, I chose the best ones of the lot. I've seen lots of people and they're not as lucky as me by far. How many kids openly discuss the things we do with their parents? And how many parents adopt my family inductees so easily?

If I could make a bouquet of sunlight, stars, knowledge, magenta, orange juice, bananas and grapes, then bind it all together with a bright ribbon, I'd give it to you and wish you a happy Father's Day. Then I'd tell you that I could never repay you for everything, not even if I tried to do so for my whole life. And that I love you, even during the times that I'm not behaving in accordance to your expectations. My wise, learned, loving father, I hope I can learn to be as good a person as you.

113 comments:

the only way i know said...

that's beautiful, Chana,
One sentence touching me personally above all others is that it says we choose our parents. I never knew/heard that over the years - and it reached a sensitive chord in me.

Chana said...

hey only way I know!

I know I read that somewhere; I just have to find the source. I shall attempt to do so!

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Hey only way I know,

My friend The Tent-Peg Wielder found the answer.

There is a little book called Ecstasy of the Soul (part one) which includes "Uplifting Sayings, Stories and Teachings of Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach."

In the section entitled "Children" it states:

"The Rabbi of Rhizin taught: Before a baby is born, while the soul is in Heaven, the baby chooses who his parents will be. He looks at all the possible parents and chooses the ones he sees love him the most. The baby sees in their eyes that they are longing for him to be their child."

Now, I always had a problem with this due to the fact that it made no sense to me that children who are abused would choose abusive parents, but for all the happy kids, it is a pretty concept...

Dana said...

wiznitz! i just read that out loud to my mom and it made her cry :)
beautiful post... beyond beautiful

the only way i know said...

Hi Chana,

Thanks for that
Very interesting point you bring up about the abused children....

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