Last year, a couple of days before Thanksgiving, my handsome, brilliant and incredibly wonderful cousin Yechiel Szeinuk (of the generally awesome and always venerated Scarsdale Cousins) sends me an email that reads as follows:
So I need to do a mitzvah thing. I thought I would feed the homeless for Thanksgiving. So wanna come over?
You can bring one of your friends, a real one, or two. Make sure they shower first and look a little decent and are known for not robbing people.
Um mom said it was ok.
P.S. Don’t eat the garbage anymore; it's not safe.
I write back:
Hahaha- thanks- I would love to come! Maybe I'll invite my cousin JawsBlog to come with me (he's really nice) if he's not already taken for Thanksgiving?
Mom: If JawsBlog comes, what about The Socialite (JawsBlog's sister)?
Yechiel: They're her fake friends; it doesn’t matter.
Mom: Ask her.
Yechiel: Fine, but if they turn out to be real, what will the neighbors think when they see many poor homeless people outside our house? And think of the property value.
Yechiel: *walks away*
Oh Yechiel, I love and miss you so much! I miss your teasing and I wish you were around. On the other hand, you're off being a brave soldier in Israel, which is amazing. I just miss you. I even miss getting stranded in the Bronx or watching skimpily-clad CGI Angelina Jolies in "Beowulf." (And cmon, if you had been here this year, I would have dragged you to "New Moon." *insert evil laughter here*) And playing Guitar Hero and watching Smores eat you alive. And finding out about how you shower with waterbottles in the middle of parking lots. Aw, man, I miss you. I hope you have the happiest Thanksgiving in the whole wide world and are having a beyond thrilling time in the Holy Land. And I hope I get to see you really soon because you owe me a bearhug. Even if I do have to trek all the way out to a foreign country to get it...
P.S. Update your blog, dammit! It's the only information I get on you and you don't write fast enough!