Wednesday, November 18, 2009

The Flu Devoured My Brain

This is a rant. It seems preferable to me to write it down as opposed to attempting to explain it when I am in a snarly, irascible, irritable mood.

I am not a typing machine.

I will say that again. I am not a typing machine. You don't insert coins, press 'Play' and then expect me to spit out results. I know that I am home sick and ostensibly there should be nothing in the world I would rather do than type up all of your projects. But guess what? I can't concentrate that long. I also stop every five seconds to mop my nose or heave dry coughs and whimper unhappily. The only thing I can currently concentrate on is television shows. You want to know why? Because they are distracting and pretty. There is color involved. Pictures. Bright and shiny things. I have also noticed that when my brain is being fed these pretty images, my coughing lessens. And this is a good thing.

So you are quite right, I am a lazy bum who is sitting at home in my pajamas watching television and not doing any of the work that you want me to do. Absolutely. You know what else I am? A really sick little girl. So leave me alone and stop assuming I am a machine.

And if you do get everything typed up by some miracle? Know that it's only because I've been focused on Anya Marina's "Whatever You Like" while typing. My brain requires the distraction so that I can type without coughing/ mopping every five seconds. So you only got your Torah because I was listening to a filthy song. I find it oddly soothing. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. Irony is a witch, isn't it?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Why the h--- would you want to do any work or typing when you are this sick? Feel better.