So, to the many people who have sent me this shiur in the hopes that I suddenly drop all my male friends, be happy! I have listened to it.
A couple of points:
1. I cannot understand how anyone is convinced by this Rabbi. To the contrary, I wonder that they don't lose all respect for him based on the incredibly simplistic presentation which focuses more on horror stories (and the insinuation that they will happen to you) than anything else.
2. His obvious gloating regarding the way that he made a fool out of the girl who questioned him and asked whether she could learn Gemara by saying to her, after she told him that when the Gemara tells us that women will not find their fulfillment through this that is merely eitza tova, "What, and should I give her eitza ra'ah (bad advice)?" does not befit a rabbi of any kind. A rabbi should care for others, he should help others and be kind to them. He should not take pleasure in dashing a girl's illusions or making a fool out of her, as though it were some kind of contest that he "won" because he made her feel stupid. The fact that he could so callously say, "Oh, and so then she ran out crying," and allow the entire audience to laugh at this girl's expense disgusts me.
3. He quotes the story regarding Beruriah and R' Meir's sending a student to seduce her. He uses this to support the idea of nashim daatan kalos heim. They are daatan kalos when it comes to being seduced. And he wishes to suggest that women "fall for dumb lines" whereas men would not. However, he is using selective quoting to prove his point. He hasn't explained Kiddushin 81a. (Update: Actually, since he seems to believe men are animals, I guess that is his explanation.)
4. "Guys are only partially human." Says Orlofsky, "when the guy and the girl are holding hands, the only one who is holding hands is the girl. The guy is already at the next step." I am not going to debate the difference between how sex drives express themselves in men and women, but to the men, I ask you- do you really believe you're only partially human? You don't find that kind of talk and terminology degrading and false? You should know that at Beis Yaakov this is exactly what we are taught. Men are animals whose desires have to be controlled (which is why women have to be tznius) and because of this, girls are frightened on their wedding nights (no, I'm not joking) because they're scared the man is going to be out of control because he is so sex-starved. Incidentally, The Beatles' song "I Want To Hold Your Hand" (which was insanely successful and is the essence of every love song as opposed to sex song) was written by men, not women.
5. I have to look up this Igros Moshe which is so supposedly pashut and "black-and-white halakha is it's wrong."
6. "You should know that he's wrestling with himself on a different level than you are." For the information of the various men out there, that depends on the girl. Some girls get sick of being told that they have no comprehension of what the guys are going through.
7. "Guys don't usually have platonic relationships with girls they don't find attractive." I don't think that's true at all. Also, I think it is perfectly possible to realize that someone is a pretty or handsome person and nonetheless not be attracted to them. Orlofsky speaks of this but he claims that you can become attracted to somebody over time and therefore you're still not 'safe.'
8. "All men are potential pigs," Orlofsky says. "Every man is a potential murderer. Right? And therefore a guy who likes to throw knives at people and shoot into crowds is not the kind of guy who I hang around with. So any guy has the potential to dehumanize women. [...] Dehumanizing each other is the strongest drive we have. And that's the reason why when Adam and Chava ate from the Eitz Ha'Daas the first thing they said was, 'Hey, we're naked; let's make clothes.' [...] I have the potential to dehumanize someone. That was scary to them. I want cover myself up!" - Okay, are we really comparing a guy who is friends with girls to a murderer? Really?
9. Queens College premarital sex, tefillin dates, mikvaos that have to matir for single women to use so they won't be chayav kareis- of course all these things exist but not every guy who is friends with girls is engaging in premarital sex, for goodness' sake.
10. "What about gay guys?" someone inquired. So Orlofsky took care of that by quoting R' Micha Berger who supposedly said that the common statement is that these two men cannot help themselves. "You know what can't help yourself means?" Orlofsky continued. "That means that you have two guys who are about to engage in a homosexual relationship and smoke is coming through the door and someone is screaming, 'Fire, fire, fire' and they go through with it anyway. That's can't help themselves." And then he claims that if the motivation is strong enough, you can fall in love with anything. And then insinuated that the straight guys will claim to be gay if it gets them to be around girls they like. Now, we all know that the Tucker Maxes of the world will do that, but I don't think that extends to every guy in the world. More importantly, this statement was so dismissive (of homosexuals and people in general) that it disturbed me as well.
The basic argument of this whole speech is that guys are ruled by their sex-drives and there's no way that they could possibly get past that to have intellectual or intelligent relationships with girls. No guy, ever, is capable of that. We'll tell you every horror story to prove that point and none of the good stories about the nice guys who really are friends of yours. Because they don't exist and if you meet one that's only because he's lying. To me this is an utterly ridiculous argument. It makes about as much sense as saying you shouldn't eat any food because you might come to eat treif. Don't be friends with any male because you might end up in a sexually problematic situation. We create boundaries in our own life, don't we? I choose not to eat treif and I can also choose not to have premarital sex. I can control my own actions. So now you'll say, yes, but it specifically says not to trust yourself with regard to arayos but it never says don't trust yourself with regard to not eating food. You're right. So then don't be in yichud with your guy friend and that should solve your problem. Hurrah. This entire argument is predicated upon the same 'can't help themselves' idea that Orlofsky later claims cannot be with regard to homosexuals. So it's untrue per his own point of view! That's the most amusing part.