Sunday, November 09, 2008

The Palace of Tears

The tears we shed turn into crystal. They sparkle with intent. The tears we shed out of anger and frustration glow red. The ones that are borne of pain are blue. The flecks of water that dot our eyes because we covet and desire what we cannot have are green. And the tears we shed because we are so moved by the beauty that confronts us as we walk outside are orange or yellow or fuschia, touched by the dazzling light of creation.

God builds a palace out of this crystal. It is his Palace of Tears. This is where he sits when he pronounces the final judgment on Yom Kippur. At the last moment, parcels and packages and notes, handwritten and typewritten and verbal sparks of flame, words on fire, dart through the palace gates before they close. God leans forward on his throne, anxiously awaiting them. He takes the packages from the angel, forbidding the angels to read them before He does. Sometimes, when he is very moved by our prayers, he sheds a tear. But God's tears are like flame. And when God sheds a tear, it falls into place and forms a brick, a piece of the holy Temple which is built of fire in the sky. For the Third Temple shall descend from the sky, having already been built and created.

Our tears build the palace, and God's tears build the Temple. They are interwoven and intertwined. All my tears have been saved up, and the most beautiful parts of the castle are mine. The stained glass butterfly that forms the upmost tower window- that was made out of my tears. So too the crystal rose that adorns the vanity there. I spun them out of my sadness, and the angels wove them together. The angels are God's artisans. They quarry this crystal made of tears, and they use it to create God's palace.

When I die, and God judges me, the first place He will show me is His Palace of Tears. He will show me the parts that are mine, and the parts that belong to other people. I will be amazed that my sadness, trials and thoughts of repentance wrought anything so beautiful. I will kiss my rose, and God will shed a tear of fire.

When I am dead, I shall be happy...


yesod shel limud said...

very intresting piece well said congratulations enjoy day bw atb b4n

Ben Rosenfeld

Aaron said...

Even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget, falls drop by drop upon the heart, until in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God.

Chana,do something fun today.

Eli said...

Ten Roses
~ Ruth Warren

For every tear you cry,
I cry a hundred thousand more,

I'll give you ten roses,
For everything you're fighting for.

The first will be a red rose,
For courage and for health,

The second a bright yellow rose,
For gaining all life's wealth,

The third will be a soft pink rose,
So you may be happy in love,

The fourth will be a white rose,
Brought by a turtledove,

The fifth will be an orange rose,
To give you back your fire,

The sixth will be a deep pink rose,
So you may have what you desire,

The seventh will be a coral rose,
To gain you many friends,

The eighth will be a purple rose,
To guide you through life's bends,

The ninth will be a pale yellow rose,
To give you hope to try,

The tenth will be a black rose,
So you can mourn me when I die.

I have to leave my dearest friend,
But may the roses last you til my end,

I'm sorry I could not say goodbye,
Though ten roses I leave by your side.

I leave you with a kiss,
Along with these rose flowers,

I know I will be missed,
But I pray the roses will give you power,

Power to go on my love,
Power to be strong,

Power to get over me,
And let your life carry on.

Chana,this struck me as something you might enjoy reading.

Anonymous said...

Chana, it looks like you enjoy pain, like pain is the only way you really feel alive. You need professional help, and the sooner you get it, the better chance you'll have to live a normal life.

Anonymous said...

>When I am dead, I shall be happy...

I hope we don't find out tomorrow you took your life. Attention friends of Chana, please take care of her, and watch to make sure she doesn't do anything dangerous.

Anonymous said...

I beleive in God of Abraham.

Chana believes in God of the fairy tales.

y.u. gal said...

Guys, chill out. I am a friend of Chana's and can attest to the fact that she is FINE.

Just breathe, ok?

Chana said...

Dear Everybody!

Thank you for the concern! However, this was merely one of my flights of fancy. The last line, which reads, "I will be happy when I am dead," does not mean as opposed to when I am living, only that I shall also be happy when dead. So I appreciate the concern, but it is really quite all right.

Thanks very much!

another Jewish blogger said...

Anons 12:54, 1:05 and 1:17,

I find it interesting that you've chosen to show your so called care for Chana by writing such negative comments on her blog. If you truly care about her,why not e-mail her directly and express your concern that way?

AK said...

Another Jewish blogger,
I agree with you. The anon(s) is(are) caring in a strange way. I will not be surprised if it's the same anon posting x3. Hey,anon,what are you really trying to achieve?

Ari said...

Anon(s) pretending to be Dr Phil and acting as she/he is Mr/Ms know it all.