Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Resumes, Chocolate Fondues & Jumping on the Bed


Last night I was made to attend a scintillating Honors Program event. I learned all about writing resumes and cover letters! Truth be told, some of the points made were quite helpful (although Daddy, you'll be pleased to know that I prefer your methods. And your layout is much easier to read.) The rest of them were ludicrous and entertaining. I don't know if the lady realized, but what it came down to was taking the mundane, uninteresting events of one's life and inflating them in order to make oneself sound more important. My friend and I were cracking up the whole time (huzzah Canadian Princess) and we made our own list of extracurricular activities. We wrote the actual activity and then the activity in "Resume speak."I mean, when you are actually handed a list of "Action Words" and told to use them, how can you resist?

Eating Chocolate: Volunteered and participated in a cutting-edge scientific experiment involving the flow of endorphins through the bloodstream to the brain.

Babysitting: Managerial position. Monitored a diverse group of individuals over the course of the summer and was responsible for their progress and development upon successful completion of assignments and tasks.

Swimming: Engaged in an exciting scientific experiment involving the effect of H2O upon unprotected flesh. H2O was subject to fluctuations in temperature and degree.

Singing Off-Key: Mastered the complex art of exhaling air in atonal fashion in keeping with vibrations present in the outside environment.

Sleep: Maximized productivity in the nighttime by engaging in a battery of tests that included transitioning from REM cycle to non-REM cycle unconsciousness for the purposes of renewed energy in the morning.

Having two friends who hate each other: Mediated between two individuals with opposing points of view, successfully negotiated with them and led them to compromise with benefits to all.

Dancing: Launched human limbs into air in order to test the effect of random movement as air particles rush by upon various body parts. Have successfully completed this experiment and ascertained that genetic coding explains proficiency in this area.

Playing Video Games: Mastered hand-eye coordination skills through suicide missions, death-defying stunts and other forms of manipulation involving 3D media.

All right guys- let's play this game. Pick a skill- it can be something ridiculous or a true skill- and inflate it accordingly. And that's how you write resumes!

In addition to the Resume writing, I watched "House" after stopping by the Chocolate Fondue party with Canadian Princess. It was awesome; we walked back to Brookdale in a thunderstorm. Chocolate-stained shirts are the new sexy (at least it wasn't the leather bomber jacket, which I envy), as are bizarre flirtatious comments between female friends. Especially when they are shouted at the top of one's lungs during a thunderstorm, although I preferred our rendition of "Singing in the Rain." "House" was awesome; everyone should electrocute themselves with silver knives. (I am kidding.) Came back to my room and didn't want to do homework. So instead I engaged in some dancing! That's right, dancing! An excellent motto in life: "Dance like nobody's watching." Certainly did that last night. My roommate can attest to it (right?) It basically went like so:

1. Roommate turns on Jazz
2. Roommate tires of Jazz
3. Roommate requests me to put on Favorite songs on iPod
4. I put on "Favorites," then decide to blast them loudly, then switch to "Love Songs" (Enrique, Michael Bolton, Rob Thomas' "Lonely No More," etc)
5. Decide to jump on bed
6. Vigorously pound the hell out of the bed
7. Dance around room
8. Roommate pauses during homework to watch Chana being crazy
9. I alternate between bed-jumping and dancing, change into dancing clothes, continue, call up various friends and joyously inform them that the cure to all ills is simply to beat up one's bed with one's feet, am informed by my friend that if he tried that, the bed would break, disagree with him, laugh-
10. Stay up till two in the morning (roommate is sleeping)
11. Sleep

Inflating writing, chocolate fondues, friends, thunderstorms, the TV show "House" and jumping on beds- this is the good life.

Try it, you'll see.

9 comments:

Scraps said...

HAHAHAHA!

Sounds like you had quite the entertaining night!

They never had a fondue party when I was in Stern. No fair. Hmph.

I guess the higher tuition rates have to pay for something...

:)

Anonymous said...

I could use some help with my resume but your assistance is out of reach. That makes you completely useless to those who truly need your help.

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Anonymous said...

Yes, Chana. I stand by my comment... :-D

-Y.

Stubborn and Strong said...

I want name! You call everybody a name! I am very jealous!!! Chana, when u dance with your ponytail flying everywhere, you are geogerous! Not crazy! I will NEVER call you "crazy" just very interesting and full of drama!

Stubborn and Strong said...

by the way, Y will never break the bed because he will never try jumping on his bed in rest of his life. I am willing bet 25 dollars on it.

Jack's Shack said...

Resumes are a pain in the ass, but not one that can be avoided. At least not for most people.

Anonymous said...

Chana,

Do you have plans for Thanksgiving or Hanukkah?

If not, I would like to invite for one of these days or for Shabbat.

Sincerely,

Your best friend

varsha said...

A good post on "Resumes, Chocolate Fondues & Jumping on the Bed".An important point is a resume and cover letter should be the marketing tools that help candidate to land the position that is perfect for him.

Thanks,
John


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