a power I wish I did not have

Marge: The thing with Dickie - it's like the sun shines on you and it's glorious, then he forgets you and it's very very cold.

Ripley: So I'm learning.

Marge: He's not even aware of it. When you've got his attention you feel like you're the only person in the world. That's why everybody loves him. Other times...

~The Talented Mr. Ripley

I have learned, very much to my dismay, that we all serve as "Dickies" for other people. I don't know what to do with this realization, mostly because I find it extremely hard to believe. I simply don't think that my attention is so special that I make someone feel like they are the only person in the room, and that if I turn it to someone else, they are hurt. I am hardly that important, and I mean that in all sincerity, though I unfortunately don't know how to prove it to you.

I am deeply distressed about the idea that I may have hurt people, all unknowing, simply through a lack of attentiveness to them and I suppose this shall serve as an appropriate forum to beg you to please not allow yourselves to be hurt by me. I am sure such a request provokes bitter laughter, for if you could control whom you are hurt by, you would never be hurt at all, now would you? But you must please, please understand that I would never mean to hurt anybody I regard as a friend or even someone who is polite or civil towards me, so what call would I have to hurt any of you? I would and could never wish it.

So if I am somehow cool to you or if you feel that I have turned my attention from you or have somehow done you wrong, I am very deeply sorry and I hope very much that you will tell me so that I know and can remedy the situation. You must not let me hurt you. I do not care what you think to yourself or what you call me in your mind; it is all fine so long as it makes you feel better. In truth I am nothing but a very silly little girl and you should remind yourselves of that and realize that and then realize that it is foolish to allow someone who is so beneath you to hurt you at all and then you shall feel better! And this shall be solved quite amicably.

I wish very much that I simply didn't have the power to hurt anyone at all. But then I see that everything has an equal and opposite effect, and if I could not hurt anyone I would not be able to be kind to anyone, either.

So please don't place so much importance upon what I do or do not do, how frequently I call or write or speak to you, because you are all very important people and you do not need me to make you important. You are important in and of yourselves! You are magnificent, wonderful, fantastic and important people. I am not the person whom you should grant the ability to uplift or to hurt you; that person is only you, yourself. That power is yours and should remain yours. You must not allow me the power to hurt you...