The Love Between David & Jonathan

Samuel I, Chapter 18, 1
א וַיְהִי, כְּכַלֹּתוֹ לְדַבֵּר אֶל-שָׁאוּל, וְנֶפֶשׁ יְהוֹנָתָן, נִקְשְׁרָה בְּנֶפֶשׁ דָּוִד; ויאהבו (וַיֶּאֱהָבֵהוּ) יְהוֹנָתָן, כְּנַפְשׁוֹ.
1 And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.

This phraseology is similar to that describing the love of Jacob and Benjamin.

Genesis 44:30
ל וְעַתָּה, כְּבֹאִי אֶל-עַבְדְּךָ אָבִי, וְהַנַּעַר, אֵינֶנּוּ אִתָּנוּ; וְנַפְשׁוֹ, קְשׁוּרָה בְנַפְשׁוֹ.
30 Now therefore when I come to thy servant my father, and the lad is not with us; seeing that his soul is bound up with the lad's soul;

My father notes that this love is not reciprocated in this form by either party. David's soul is not described as "bound up" with Jonathan's, nor is Benjamin's soul "bound up" with Jacob's. This is because this love was unconditional and boundless, like the love that a parent has for a child, which is generally unable to be fully reciprocated.

Samuel I, Chapter 18: 3
ג וַיִּכְרֹת יְהוֹנָתָן וְדָוִד, בְּרִית, בְּאַהֲבָתוֹ אֹתוֹ, כְּנַפְשׁוֹ.3 Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul.


Samuel I, Chapter 19: 1
א וַיְדַבֵּר שָׁאוּל, אֶל-יוֹנָתָן בְּנוֹ וְאֶל-כָּל-עֲבָדָיו, לְהָמִית, אֶת-דָּוִד; וִיהוֹנָתָן, בֶּן-שָׁאוּל, חָפֵץ בְּדָוִד, מְאֹד.
1 And Saul spoke to Jonathan his son, and to all his servants, that they should slay David; but Jonathan Saul's son delighted much in David.

Samuel I, Chapter 20:3ג וַיִּשָּׁבַע עוֹד דָּוִד, וַיֹּאמֶר יָדֹעַ יָדַע אָבִיךָ כִּי-מָצָאתִי חֵן בְּעֵינֶיךָ, וַיֹּאמֶר אַל-יֵדַע-זֹאת יְהוֹנָתָן, פֶּן-יֵעָצֵב; וְאוּלָם, חַי-יְהוָה וְחֵי נַפְשֶׁךָ--כִּי כְפֶשַׂע, בֵּינִי וּבֵין הַמָּוֶת.3 And David swore moreover, and said: 'Thy father knoweth well that I have found favour in thine eyes; and he saith: Let not Jonathan know this, lest he be grieved; but truly as the LORD liveth, and as thy soul liveth, there is but a step between me and death.'

Samuel I, Chapter 20: 17
יז וַיּוֹסֶף יְהוֹנָתָן לְהַשְׁבִּיעַ אֶת-דָּוִד, בְּאַהֲבָתוֹ אֹתוֹ: כִּי-אַהֲבַת נַפְשׁוֹ, אֲהֵבוֹ. {ס}
17 And Jonathan caused David to swear again, for the love that he had to him; for he loved him as he loved his own soul. {S}

Samuel I, Chapter 20: 41
מא הַנַּעַר, בָּא, וְדָוִד קָם מֵאֵצֶל הַנֶּגֶב, וַיִּפֹּל לְאַפָּיו אַרְצָה וַיִּשְׁתַּחוּ שָׁלֹשׁ פְּעָמִים; וַיִּשְּׁקוּ אִישׁ אֶת-רֵעֵהוּ, וַיִּבְכּוּ אִישׁ אֶת-רֵעֵהוּ, עַד-דָּוִד, הִגְדִּיל.
41 And as soon as the lad was gone, David arose out of a place toward the South, and fell on his face to the ground, and bowed down three times; and they kissed one another, and wept one with another, until David exceeded.

Samuel II, Chapter 1: 26כו צַר-לִי עָלֶיךָ, אָחִי יְהוֹנָתָן--נָעַמְתָּ לִּי, מְאֹד; נִפְלְאַתָה אַהֲבָתְךָ לִי, מֵאַהֲבַת נָשִׁים.
26 I am distressed for thee, my brother Jonathan; very pleasant hast thou been unto me; wonderful was thy love to me, passing the love of women.

~

David & Jonathan are often mentioned in the same breath, yet, if you analyze the verses, it seems as though the love that Jonathan showed to David was stronger. Jonathan's love is described, over and over again, as a love of the soul. Jonathan's soul is bound up with David's soul; he loves David as he loves his own soul. David's expressions are more subdued. David expresses himself by using a very formal expression to Jonathan; he states that King Saul knows that David has "found favor" in Jonathan's eyes (an expression echoed by Esther when she hopes to have found favor in King Ahaseurus' eyes). Perhaps this is because David does not wish to impose too much, and does not wish to state bluntly that King Saul is aware of the love that Jonathan bears toward David; he therefore uses a more formal expression. David later expresses his love for Jonathan by kissing him and weeping longer than Jonathan does before he must hide away from him. But once again, he does not use words to describe his feelings; they are there in his actions, in his tears. His last paeon and lament for Saul & Jonathan states that he is distressed for his "brother Jonathan." For Jonathan to be his brother, Jonathan still exists outside himself; this suggests that David's love for Jonathan was not a love where he loved him as he did his own soul. He also mentions "wonderful was thy love to me, passing the love of women," but says nothing of his own feelings, the love that he feels towards Jonathan.

Perhaps this relationship is the model for the one that Solomon described in Song of Songs. The love of the maiden in the Song of Songs is similar to that of Jonathan. In 3:1, she clearly describes that:

א עַל-מִשְׁכָּבִי, בַּלֵּילוֹת, בִּקַּשְׁתִּי, אֵת שֶׁאָהֲבָה נַפְשִׁי; בִּקַּשְׁתִּיו, וְלֹא מְצָאתִיו.
1 By night on my bed I sought him whom my soul loveth; I sought him, but I found him not.

Her emphasis is on the soul and on the fact that she searches for the one whom her soul loves.

Note in contrast that the male speaker in the song, like David, describes the Shunamite maiden's love for him but does not discuss the feelings he has for her:

י מַה-יָּפוּ דֹדַיִךְ, אֲחֹתִי כַלָּה; מַה-טֹּבוּ דֹדַיִךְ מִיַּיִן, וְרֵיחַ שְׁמָנַיִךְ מִכָּל-בְּשָׂמִים.
10 How fair is thy love, my sister, my bride! how much better is thy love than wine! and the smell of thine ointments than all manner of spices!

It is true that the male speaker in the Song of Songs calls his beloved by endearing names, but even so, it is clear that he is less expressive and certainly less soul-focused than she is. He focuses on her love for him or on how love itself is a delight, but does not describe his endless love for her. This is similar to David, who only expresses himself through his tears and his paeon. And even in his paeon, he is describing the way in which the love Jonathan bore him affected him, rather than speaking, in the first person, about the love he bore Jonathan.

Thus, if we are to be like one of these pair, it would seem to me that we would wish to be like Jonathan, whose love consumed his soul, and who loved with his whole being, for David was like his own soul, no outside relation- even one as close as "brother."