Monday, June 25, 2007

What Qualities Do You Look For in a Friend?

What qualities do you look for in a friend?

Another way to phrase this question: which quality or character trait do you value or respect most?

Alternatively, which quality or character trait do you hate most or respect least?

If you need it, here's a list of character traits.

If you like, you can make an ordered list, as in quality 1 is most important, quality 2 is second-most, and so on and so forth.

Please don't read the comments until you've thought of your own answer to this question.


Ilana-Davita said...

I think I appreciate friends who are loyal, honest and supportive when you nedd them.

Ilana-Davita said...

I think I appreciate friends who are loyal, honest and supportive when you need them.

anonymous mom said...

kindness, warmth, secure in himself/herself(this naturally leads to loyalty and supportiveness)--should not be confused with confident/arrogant, practical, fun. I guess what I learned over the years is that people who are raised with love and loyalty and praise make good friends. They will never hurt you because they will never feel the need to hurt anyone. I also learned to beware of foul-weathered friends. There are those insecure people who will be there in a flash to pick you up when you're down. It will seem very supportive. These same people will be uncomfortable or pull back when you are doing well, have achieved some super success.

Ezzie said...

Yashrus and a good heart. Everything else flows from those.

Anonymous said...

Proverbs 11:16
"A gracious woman gets honor, but she who hates virtue is covered with shame."

A friend is any person who does not DELETE you out of existence!

DELETING someone out of existence is an act of hate because there is an absence of love. To DETELE someone is to conceal the shame that a person is unable to tolerate or love a person who does not conform.

A friend is someone who you can call and wake up in the middle of the night to ask for help, all other friends are not real friends.

I have never had a friend yet and all people other than my parents have proven to disappoint me and betray my trust! There is no such thing as a "friend" outside of a true spiritual marriage.

Anonymous said...

Why do I bother and waste my time to reach out to people, to love them, to be a friend to them, when no one has ever done the even slightest for me in return?

Would I waste my time for stupid things if it was not out of love and the desire to do good? It is not my fault if people are not receptive to love.

Chana said...

Why do you bother and waste your time stalking me, unable to leave me alone? I have told you that your comments are unappreciated; you persist in insulting, defaming and maligning me. You persist in writing comments only to have them deleted. You have no desire to listen, only to condemn. Why can't you leave me alone?

Irina Tsukerman said...

(in no particular order) Loyalty, honesty, sincerity, sense of humor (yes, I need a friend with a sense of humor, because sometimes I am only comforted by being teased), GOOD listening skills (I'm a talker), curiosity, open-mindedness, strong principles, self-respect, personal dignity, some irreverence (can't be too serious; I'm very suspicious of people who are serious about everything all the time), in touch with reality (which doesn't mean I'm against idealistic friends or daydreamers, but the person has to be able to assess reality in a health way), ability to think critically, being supportive and at times non-judmental, imaginative and creative at least in some ways. That may sound like a pretty long and specific list, which would probably explain why the people I consider real friends are extremely few in number. I have many acquaintances, but that's not the same thing.

Holy Hyrax said...

I don't know. Frankly, nobody is good enough for me.

Anonymous said...

Because your attitude is insulting to my soul you Ashkenazic brat!

"You look the innocent flower but are the serpent underneath it!"

Thank you for judging me and condeming me according to the limitations of your mind and the shallowness of your soul! Wuz Wuz! Schicknazit!

If you were intellegent you would have brought the best out of me but since you slam the door on people like me you deserve Templars and Bullies and I wish you more of them who are not kind like I am. I will leave you alone. But you deserve to be alone and unmarried for the rest of your live! GO TO HELL BITCH!

G said...

One who always has your best interests at heart. Always is straight with you and willing to help at any time.

G said...


Oddly enough you did make a fine point along the way:

A friend is someone who you can call and wake up in the middle of the night to ask for help, all other friends are not real friends.

I often use the vey same definition.

That being said, this "But you deserve..." garbage is over the line.

"Why do I bother and waste my time to reach out to people, to love them, to be a friend to them, when no one has ever done the even slightest for me in return?"
Alas, because the essence of a true friend is about being one not having one.

Scraps said...

I appreciated friends who are empathetic, supportive, kind. Also, people with depth to them.

Dustfinger said...

My type of friend has to be/have:
~ understanding
~ empathetic
~ sympathetic
~ supportive (in general and also of my actions)
~ not the type that will be influenced so easily
~ slow to anger and quick to forgive
~ encouraging
~ always wishing you and hoping for the best
~ someone to cry on when things aren't exactly going your way
~ loyal (that's a biggie)
~ not persistent
~ caring
~ integrity (another biggie)
~ outgoing (but I guess they can be shy too)
~ not afraid to do something that's right
~ loving

There's many other qualities I'd look for but these are just a few.

Dustfinger said...

Just who do you think you are, Anonymous 2:27?!?!
How DARE you insult my sister that way! How DARE you insult her at all!
You know NOTHING about her. Maybe you know what she went through, but that's not all of it. I can't believe you wrote what you did.
I hope everything you said backfires- onto yourself.

Chaya said...

I was really tempted to go straight to the comments and read everyone else's ideas, but instead I took a couple of moments to think, and I realized that I value friends who are open-minded, willing to listen, and who have a good sense of humor. Then I read Irina's comment and realized that her list includes the few "criteria" I thought of plus others that I agree with 100%.

Jack's Shack said...

Honest, loyal and kind.

Shira Salamone said...

An old friend of mine once said that her idea of a friend is someone who'll listen to her talk for 10 minutes and then talk for 10 minutes herself. :) Sounds like my kind of person. :) (That's probably why we've been friends for decades.)

My poor husband--30 years as of June 12, amazingly enough--tells me that he talks a lot more when I'm not around. How he's managed to put up with me all these years is a mystery. :) "Is it any better since I started blogging?" "No, now you just tell me what you're writing about." :)

I like people with whom I can have a serious conversation and a good laugh. That's important for friendship for me.

Erachet said...

I think it changes a lot, for me, but here are the basic things I enjoy in a friend, though this isn't a strict list and really, it all depends on the person when I get to know them. But:

1. Fun, friendly personality
2. Someone relaxed enough that I can be myself around her (or him)
3. Someone I can have intelligent conversations with
4. Loyalty
5. Someone willing to try new things and actually go places and do things, as opposed to just sitting around all day doing nothing (which works sometimes, but not ALL the time)

What do I not respect?
Someone who is friends with everyone only to gain popularity. Someone who is "so friendly" in such a fake way, and yet so many people buy into it.
Oddly, and I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way, also someone who is TOO nice, TOO sweet. Of course, I like nice people. It's just, I once knew this girl who was so nice that it was almost a bit freaky. Sort of like when something is so sweet that it actually tastes sour? Like, you can be a nice, amazing person and still think of yourself once in a while. You don't have to give, give, give, give, give ALL THE TIME and expect nothing in return. I don't know, this is making me sound like an insensitive person, I feel like. Does anyone get what I mean by this?

Erachet said...

Oh, I forgot to add, respect. That's something I like in a friend. Someone who respects me for who I am and who I respect in return.

Erachet said...

And, anonymous:

Leave. Chana. Alone.


(Sorry Chana, I couldn't help myself. I hate to see you insulted so terribly like that).

Anonymous said...

Anon from June 25'2007 2:27pm


Anonymous said...

A friend should above all provide comfort.

A friend should have a good sense of discretion, as most information between friends, even seemingly trivial bits, should remain confidential unless specifically stated otherwise.