I Don't Have To Apologize Because My Life Isn't As Wrecked As Yours

Something that I've noticed happens often on the blogs (and particularly on my blog over the course of the past five years) are the angry commentators who come along and start yelling at me because my life isn't as wrecked, unhappy, miserable or otherwise awful as theirs is. Due to this (according to their logic), I have no right to write.

You are correct. I am not:

-Dying in Rwanda
-A victim of the Holocaust
-Murdered
-Raped
-Infertile
-A victim of a terrorist attack
-Divorced and/or dealing with my partner's infidelity
-Starving
-Abused
-Related to cruel or unstable people
-An apostate/ heretic because I was molested by a Rabbi

And the list goes on.

At the same time, this doesn't mean that I cannot feel. I feel pain at times. It may not be pain that ranks particularly high on your radar. It may seem shallow, superficial or unimportant to you. But that's why you're not living my life for me. I don't have to apologize to you because my life isn't as wrecked as yours. You're not the one who gets to determine whether or not my feelings are worth feeling or writing about or otherwise discussing. Your attempt to say my feelings aren't valid makes you just one in a long line of people who have tried to sell me on that message.

I've been called stupid, pathetic, melodramatic, snob, braggart, crybaby, flirt, cruel, unfeeling, cold and so on and so forth. Do you really think your saying it, at this point in my life, will make any difference at all to me? Judgment (and judgmental crap) colors the air around me. People have chosen to pass judgment on me for all manner of things, ranging from the way I plan to cover my hair to the short stories I write to the fact that I attended North Shore Country Day. My best friend judged me and found me lacking, then cut off the friendship. One of my favorite teachers told me she was disappointed in me when I wrote the transsexual articles in The Observer. You think that didn't bother me? Sure it bothered me. But I refuse to let judgmental crap dictate my approach to life.

I won't apologize for my life. I won't apologize for living it on my terms. I won't apologize because my life isn't as sad, depressing and wrecked as yours is. I won't apologize for feeling because my feeling seems unimportant and invalid to you. In short, I won't apologize at all.

And I think it's time more people started taking that attitude toward their lives rather than cowering in corners and saying sorry in an attempt to please others. You don't have to please people who are acting inappropriately. And those who decide your feelings don't count because nothing "bad enough" happened to you are definitely not those whose opinions you need to respect.