"I thought that if my parents were able to help me, it might make them feel needed, a part of my life."
Bob just stared. He wasn't going to give me the answers. I had to find them myself. "I suppose the main reason would be to get their approval," I admitted.
Bingo! Bob's face lit up like a beacon. "Yes, that's right! But why is their approval so important to you?"
Suddenly, after so many years, I understood. "Because I've never had it."
We weren't finished. Bob asked, "Since you say you've never had your parents' approval and this appears to be a lifelong problem, what would make you believe that suddenly they would give it to you freely?"
Good question. I felt a sudden change in the pattern of my thoughts. It felt like a piece of cobweb had broken loose. There was an awareness that had not been there for 42 years! I could feel the wheels turning in my head.
I sat and stared at Bob while I thought. There were so many feelings flowing that I didn't even see his face. It was as though a movie was being played before my eyes of all the attempts and futile efforts performed by me to get two people to approve of my life and me.
"Oh my gosh, Bob! I never will have their approval. Even when my life was happy and great events were taking place, they didn't approve of me. It was almost like they wanted me to fail."
"So you're saying that, chances are, your parents will never approve?"
Bob was as excited as I was. "Do you see now why it's so illogical to actively seek something that has never happened and probably never will?"
~Whose Face Is in the Mirror?: The Story of One Woman's Journey from the Nightmare of Domestic Abuse to True Healing by Dianne Schwartz, pages 67-68