Monday, June 30, 2008

a description of darkness

darkness is

a deep desire to make pain tangible, so that like a flash of light on the water it is no longer elusive, rather one has a portal into that world whenever one so desires

an anger so deep that it turns on oneself as the most constructive object of one's own hatred, an anger that uses oneself as its canvas for its artistry, so that one's poetic moments are inflicted on the self through an array of means

a knowledge that the ability to hurt must be destructively linked to the way in which that hurt is made more vivid and more real, forced into color, for in that color lies the immediacy of understanding and its passion revealed

a tunnel so black that one cannot get out of it, for there is no light, only people to catch you and hold you close so that, like a child, you take their hand and follow. except that requires the trust of a child, so one can only do that if one is equipped to trust, and that too takes time

but happily, i have retained the innocence of a child and can be led out of the tunnel by following cast away balloon strings tied into a rope, thin enough for me to grasp, colorful enough for me to focus upon, leading me away and onward to pretty hills and different places

with the understanding that the darkness is not forgotten and is actually my friend; the tunnel is my playmate and i may walk back in whenever i so choose

tunnel to another world; pluto sits in silence


Chana said...

of course, this _does_ make me persephone- with the understanding that i deliberately ate the pomegranate seeds

one of many receivers of your kindness and care said...

"The Midrash teaches that it is not possible to see through all parts of the eye: "The eye is made up of white, with black in the middle. Through which part can a person see? Not from the white part of the eye, but from within the black" (Midrash Tanhuma).

So we revisit the darkness in order to remember the suffering. We remind ourselves to not change the channel when we see grueling images of destruction in far away places. We know what it feels like to be raw and real, and to have a sense of urgency. We know how to be present in the face of pain: ours and others. That's what it means to see through the black part of the eye -- the darkness gives us a clarity we wouldn't otherwise have.

But we must be careful neither to romanticize, nor to become paralyzed by the darkness. Our story is one of redemption, so, like Moses, we must faithfully march out of Egypt, carrying on our shoulders the very symbol of the descent into darkness. It's not enough to be present to the darkness, to dwell in the images and the stories of human suffering. Our responsibility is to gather up the pieces and begin to ascend. "

Chana, glad your friends helped you see the light. You are such a gutte neshamah who is destined to do great things. Pick yourself up and move on. Continue to create joy and share it with others as you always do. Your understanding of issues at hand ,your lovely smile and the way you help people are so precious. May you be blessed with all the blessings you so richly deserve for your chesed speaks for itself.

Anonymous said...

The remaining option to reenter the tunnel, is very telling of how the darkness still encircles to you. Retrace your steps, exit the same door you entered, then you'll leave the darkness behind, you must tear it from the root, it's the only way you'll remain untarnished. Even the smallest black hole, can draw enough light, to dull an entire universe.

Anonymous said...

"i have retained the innocence of a child"

The innocence of a child? or the ignorance of a child? The desire to negate, ignore, suppress, and completely deny trauma, is childish. It will hit you when least prepared, it will land like a ton of bricks, all instincts will be forgotten, the panic will set in, choking in the whirlwind, drowning in the storm, running from the flames, with no guidance, no direction, no experience.

Step up to the plate, face it, and hit a homerun, before you strikeout looking.

Anonymous said...

"of course, this _does_ make me persephone" as long as you realize that the world is a very dark and barren place without you!!!

Josh said...

I am glad you are seeing that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
'me-at min haor doche harbeh min hachoshech.'

Anonymous said...

But Hades would not be fun as a husband. He freaking rules the underworld! How fun is that? He would probably never be up for watching funny movies. There would only be really somber, black and white French existentialist movies. Plus, I always thought Persephone should show some backbone and slap Hades around. Maybe she could have stolen a chariot or whatever and made a brave escape. No, wait! She could have created a rebel faction of the dead, and overthrown Hades!

You go make a rebel faction, girl.

Stephi said...

Wow...I'm speechless...this is absolutely beautiful. <3