This is an excerpt from With All My Heart, With All My Soul by B. D. Da'ehu. It's pages 286-288.
"Josh," she said calmly and deliberately, "I want you to kiss me- I want you to hug me and hold me tightly and not let go!"
Josh's eyes opened wide in dismay. "Chris!"
"I want you to do it- now!"
"I can make you, you know," she said determinedly, unmoved by his plea, and there was no doubt in his mind that she could and that she would.
A strange look came over him, and the expression on Chris's face turned from desire to fear.
"Listen to me-" he said in a terrible voice which frightened her "-listen!"
His face was pallid, his voice shook with an awful tremor, and had he seized both her arms and shaken her in agonized frustration, the effect upon her could not have been greater.
"Have you never wondered why I never call you anything but 'Chris'- nothing sweet, nothing loving? - do you think I'm so cold not to have such feelings? I'll tell you why," his voice began to crack with emotion "- it's because I'm afraid of what it might do to me. I love you so much it hurts- it hurts me in every nerve of my body. From the time I came to know you, you have never been out of my thoughts. I see you in everything that is beautiful, in everything that is noble, in everything sublime- in every joy that I can possibly hope for and in every prospect of happiness I can possibly imagine. And at night, I dream of you- and when I wake up I can barely tell whether I dreamt or not. With you next to me, the poorest piece of barren earth I stand upon is transformed into an Eden- and without you, I sometimes hardly care whether one exists or not. I have as much hope of finding happiness without you as I can think of being someone else- oh, Chris!"
And now the pent-up emotions of many a torturous hour, resolutely suppressed over days and weeks, gushed forth unimpeded as his tears fell fast and free.
"If I could-if only I could-" he gesticulated imploringly with his hands "- a pack of wild animals couldn't keep me from you! You want me to kiss you- to hold you- and don't you think I want to- to kiss you- to hold you- to press your face against me and never let go? But I can't, Chris- I can't! Oh, I've sinned- I've sinned terribly in letting this happen- I've wronged both of us- again and again...
"Chris- this is the one vestige of dignity I still have- please, don't take it from me- because then I've lost everything. Perhaps...perhaps some day, some other time- in some hallowed corner of the universe- but not here...not now..."
Chris looked into his tear-stained, tormented face, and now, not for her own sake but for his, longed to reach out and cradle that poor, troubled head in her arms, to wipe away the tears and soothe the pain. But she could no more do that than fulfill her own desire.
Chris lowered her head and sobbed quietly-
"I'm...I'm sorry, Josh- I'm sorry. It won't happen again. Good night."
She unlocked the door and closed it behind her.
And this is what power is, to have the ability to force someone else to give up their principles and ideals, even for a moment. And this is what restraint is, to refuse to do it, to refuse to use the power that is yours, for the sake of the other person and his dignity, for the sake of what you truly know them to be, and the fact that you love them more than yourself.
It is the hardest thing in the world to do- to practice restraint, when that power is in your grasp.
It is possible to do. I honor those who have done it, because I know what it means, and what it costs. One's strength lies in what one does not do, having had the ability to do it, far more than what one does do...