The Ceremony of Thirteen

My siblings are incredibly entertaining. Listen to the following dialogue between us.

Taran: I don't know why I'm being nice to you.

Me: What?

Taran: Well, you said that I have to take the mishpatim like chukim, so I don't know why I'm being nice to you.

Me: (gives admiring glance for sheer cheek) I was saying what the Rav said, and you should read it inside before quoting it.

Taran: (in zombie-like tones) I don't know why I'm honoring my parents either.

Me: You really shouldn't make fun; you haven't even read it.

Taran: (evil smile) I'm just saying, it's a chok so I don't know why I'm doing it.

[we walk out of the restaraunt and into the car. I am squashed on the floor of the car rather than a seat, so that my legs extend between the two seats in front, where my parents sit. There's normal conversation and suchlike and suddenly...]

Taran: Bob the Builder.

Me: God the Builder?

Daddy: (waves hand dismissively in the general vicinity of my legs) No, just listen.

Taran: So we had this Ceremony of Thirteen assembly in my school after reading The Giver, and they gave out jobs, and I was Bob the Builder.

Me: Who gave you that job?

Taran: Ezra ________.

Me: Why?

Taran: No idea.

Me: And what job did you give Ezra?

Taran: Mechanical engineer.

Urchin: Hey! (that's officially his job in our family)

Taran: Well, he's smart, he fixes things, he's good with his hands- he should be a mechanical engineer.

Me: And Urchin, what were you?

Urchin: I was a computer fixer.

Me: (laughing) Do you do that in school? Fix computers?

Urchin: Mmmhmm.

Taran: Don't worry, there were people who got much worse jobs than me. There was this (fumbles as he tries to find the words) person who got America's Next Top Model, whatever that is (he says this with complete disdain.)

Me: (laughing) If I were at the Ceremony of Thirteen, what job would I get?

Daddy: Court Jester!

Me: I'm totally a court jester! I'm The Fool.

Urchin: (gleefully) No, you would be a janitor.

Me: I would not be a janitor!

Urchin: Actually, a sewer worker.

Mommy: Luna!

Me: Luna is not a job, Mommy.

Daddy: No, really you'd be an actress.

Me: I wouldn't mind being an actress.

Taran: You know what Aaron was? Aaron was chosen to be a Scientist, a Rabbi and Mashiach.

Me: And do you think he would make a good Mashiach?

Taran: Sure! (he goes on to explain Aaron's good qualities)

Me: What would Dustfinger be?

Someone: Cinderella

Dustfinger: *is sleeping*

Me: Wake her up!

Daddy: No, let her sleep. She woke up at 5:30 in the morning today.

Me: Well, I was up at 5:00.

Daddy: Yes, but she woke up then.

Urchin: Daddy, can you stop the car really suddenly and we'll see whether Chana shoots back and hits the seat?

Me: No!

Taran: Yeah!

Me: So we have a family of Bob the Builder, a Computer Fixer, the Court Jester and Cinderella. Sounds like a party.

Urchin: I told you you're a sewer worker, not a court jester!

I love my family.