Thursday, December 21, 2006

The Strange Musings of an Adolescent at 2 AM

Why am I up now?

Why am I up now?

Oh, you're asking me why I am up now?

Well, I will tell you why I am up now.

Because I have the Biology Test of Doom tomorrow in precisely 7 hours.
Because I have the Chumash Test of Beauty later in the day.

Because I've been in the Cafeteria studying. I arrived there only to scoop out the leftover kernels of candied popcorn, pour myself the most awful-tasting cup of coffee in existence, go upstairs to the Levy Lobby, proceed to irritate the occupants there, then make myself silent so as to regain their favor, and finally to study. Yes, to study Chumash, which is an utterly fantastic blend of magic, mystery, literary devices and wonder.

I must, however, confess my failures before then. First, I called my father with an ethical dilemma. My Chumash teacher desires us all to bring a sefer Shmos (Exodus) and a Tanakh to the test tomorrow. Now, someone raised their hand and said, "I've marked up my Chumash." My teacher waved her hand dismissively and said that didn't matter.

Enter thought into Chana's sadistic brain. I know, I know, my brain clamored. I will study Chumash, and I will mark up the entire Chumash tonight. With pencilled-in notes. Of course that's not cheating. Why would you think that?

Except for that nagging feeling that tells me "You fool. It couldn't be that easy."

And so my father became truly unimpressed (dare I say disappointed? Yes, I suppose.) He informed me that obviously this is unethical, in thrilling and impressive tones (well, not really. I just add that for dramatic effect.) And then I mentioned that I had neglected to thank my Aunt, who made me a magnificent luncheon, and was termed an "ungrateful brute."

This is absolutely true, and I do owe my Aunt both thanks and an apology. But I have to say I enjoy the way the words roll of the tongue. This is a clever, creative way of terming it. I approve. I am, ladies and gentleman, an ungrateful brute.

Things I learned today:

If someone innocently asks you the time, do not assume this person merely wants the time. Really he's a guy who dropped out of college, works in the supermarket, is going "bowling" with his friend tonight, wants to know if you like bowling, informs you as he follows you down Fifth Avenue that he feels like the two of you are "dating," and that he'd like to take you out.

Never drink two cups of sugared caffinated coffee in order to keep awake. Oh, you'll be awake all right, but in a strange, disturbed, hyperventilating, insane frame of mind. You will suddenly have the ability to read things VERY quickly, to sound very happy, to frighten your friends. Your fingers and hands shake. I have now learned what Chana on drugs is like. It is not happy. I do not approve.

Things I learned yesterday:

Padding around the cafeteria in your stocking-feet whilst dressed in pajamas and a long pink bathrobe is quite fun. You feel like you own the place, and can speak cordially to the walls that echo and bow to you at your command. The walls ring with the sound of Biology. It's lovely. People smile at you and enjoy your cleverness.

Things I appreciate:

Taz is amazing. He did over two hours of research for me because I asked him for help with one small thing. That's insane. And so appreciated. And he didn't even find the answer that I needed, unfortunately, and he STILL did it. (Why are all of the Jewish books at the guys' library, not the girls'? It wrecks my life. Chana is a Sad and Depressed person. Chana's Medulla Oblangata will be Saddened now.)

My friend, who shall remain nameless, passed on to me an official Ego-Booster from her brother (huzzah her brother! Also Nameless. Nameless is actually quite the popular word.) I shall give it to you, as it is highly amusing and fantastic. Only listen to this with the sound ON. Here it is: Ego-Booster.

Wish me luck with my tests, my dear people.

God, please help me out here. I am praying for my Bio notes to come back to me. I requested them back from the girl who took them while I studied Chumash, and they have not arrived. Please, God. Be merciful. I DESERVE to be able to look at my Bio notes once more before I enter the Disastrous Delightful Testing Zone.

Good night, my friends. Or is it good morning?

(I'd like a peach now. Peaches are nice. Peaches, nectarines...I desire a peach. Oh, peach, come to me!)

Yes, I should probably get to bed now.


Ezzie said...

Now *this* is you. :)

(I can comment again, right? :P )

Anonymous said...

Chana, good luck on your exams! It's fun to see how a totally new side of you comes out with the anxiety of the impending tests!

SJ said...

Chana you are nuts. And you made me laugh. A lot. Hoorah for finals!

Anonymous said...

You hated coffee while @ Templars..
When did you cultivate this "lovely" new habit?

Chana said...


Who are you?

*sigh* I am being stalked.

I still DO hate coffee. Hate, hate, hate. But that was all that was available. Next time, I'll have to make a Baskin Robbins stop.

Any chance (how I wish!) that you're my mint-chocolate-chip ice cream friend?

Lab Rab said...

You made me smile. Much hatzlacha on your exams.

Anonymous said...

I did tell you what I wanted to comment-- I sent you a message. But I guess I'll take your advice and comment here anonymously. Good call. Anyway, here's what I was gonna say:


Thanks. It feels good to be appreciated. Good luck on finals!

-You know whom

Anonymous said...

the Ego-Booster describes beautifully! Those of us who share classes with you have gotten to know your impressive charm,might and capabilities well.
Thanks for all the help!

PsychoToddler said...

I find it disturbing that someone is stalking you on 5th avenue and now apparently on your blog as well. Consider calling the police.

Charlie Hall said...

So did you survive?