This Is Who I Am

If you love me, then thank you! If you hate me, then 'something not as pleasant' you. ~"Love Me or Hate Me" by SOV

"Your innermost happening is worth all your love. You must somehow work on that." ~Rainer Maria Rilke

"Don't be upset with yourself. You're allowed to be sad today. Not on Shabbos. You'd be surprised what people are able to weather. I love you very much; all will be well." ~The 'Little Old Lady'

Dance Song of the Day: "Smooth" by Santana + Rob Thomas

One Little Ewe

ג וְלָרָשׁ אֵין-כֹּל, כִּי אִם-כִּבְשָׂה אַחַת קְטַנָּה אֲשֶׁר קָנָה, וַיְחַיֶּהָ, וַתִּגְדַּל עִמּוֹ וְעִם-בָּנָיו יַחְדָּו; מִפִּתּוֹ תֹאכַל וּמִכֹּסוֹ תִשְׁתֶּה, וּבְחֵיקוֹ תִשְׁכָּב, וַתְּהִי-לוֹ, כְּבַת. 3 but the poor man had nothing save one little ewe lamb, which he had bought and reared; and it grew up together with him, and with his children; it did eat of his own morsel, and drank of his own cup, and lay in his bosom, and was unto him as a daughter.

ד וַיָּבֹא הֵלֶךְ, לְאִישׁ הֶעָשִׁיר, וַיַּחְמֹל לָקַחַת מִצֹּאנוֹ וּמִבְּקָרוֹ, לַעֲשׂוֹת לָאֹרֵחַ הַבָּא-לוֹ; וַיִּקַּח, אֶת-כִּבְשַׂת הָאִישׁ הָרָאשׁ, וַיַּעֲשֶׂהָ, לָאִישׁ הַבָּא אֵלָיו. 4 And there came a traveller unto the rich man, and he spared to take of his own flock and of his own herd, to dress for the wayfaring man that was come unto him, but took the poor man's lamb, and dressed it for the man that was come to him.'

~Samuel II, 12: 3-4

*

One little ewe you gave to me;
One little lamb had I.
And one little lamb Thou tookst from me,
So as to see me cry.

One plaintive voice in all the world;
One friend to call my own.
But now you’ve chosen to have hurled
Me so I am left alone.

Is God a rich man, then?
To steel sheep from me.
Does He do it to be cruel
Or does this set me free?

David you reproached for this;
You told him he had sinned.
But to throw me into the abyss,
Your verdict you rescind?

He shall restore the lamb fourfold;
So David did declare.
But as this drama does unfold,
You seem unaware

That God, you are a hypocrite.
You’ve done the same to me.
I wish you would choose to admit
I deserve mercy.

Not for my sake, no, my God.
For that I do not plead.
Spoil the child, spare the rod;
I know that is your creed.

But for the sake of Thy name,
And all thou didst declare.
Show yourself to be the same.
Show that you do care.

The Stuff Of Which Our Souls Are Made

...he's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same, and Linton's is as different as a moonbeam from lightning, or frost from fire. ~Wuthering Heights, Chapter 9

I cannot express it; but surely you and everybody have a notion that there is, or should be an existence of yours beyond you. What were the use of creation if I were entirely contained here? My great miseries in this world have been Heathcliff's miseries, and I watched and felt each from the beginning; my great thought in living is himself. If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the Universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it. My love for Linton is like the foliage in the woods. Time will change it, I'm well aware, as winter changes the trees — my love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath — a source of little visible delight, but necessary. Nelly, I am Heathcliff — he's always, always in my mind — not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself — but as my own being — so, don't talk of our separation again — it is impracticable. ~Wuthering Heights, Chapter 9

~

Wuthering Heights is the tale of a great, passionate but ultimately wholly destructive love. Catherine and Heathcliff are made of the same stuff; their souls originate from the same place. Their existence is predicated upon one another. Yet it is the very fact that they are so similar, so alike, which damns them. Both stubborn and headstrong, they cannot bend. They are like cedar oaks, mighty and powerful, but unyielding. They have none of the ability to bend that originates with the reed. Linton is too weak for Catherine; she cannot see him as anything except a puling, whining dog. Her ideal partner would be one whose soul was different from hers but who still had the ability to bend rather than break.

I think it makes sense that Catherine and Heathcliff are mistaken about one another and believe each other to be their ideal partners. It is easy to be mistaken when one's soul is made of the same stuff as someone else's; it comes from the same source. You recognize one another and the light that your soul throws off. It is this recognition which leads you to believe that you are meant for one another. In truth, while there is something deeply special about the bond you will share, it cannot be that. For if one's soul is exactly the same as someone else's, they will end up opposing one another. Heathcliff and Catherine are passionate, stormy and sparks fly off the page when you read about them. However, they also destroy one another with their words. There needs to be a balance; the cedar tree must have its friend the reed.

I think it pains the soul to let go of someone whom it recognizes from its birthplace in heaven. The soul cries out to return to heaven, and so when it sees another soul that is made of the same stuff and comes from the same source, it recognizes that piece of heaven and longs for it. But ultimately, that is not the proper union for anyone. Despite its longing, souls must combine opposites. There's wood, water, earth and fire, and each of these elements must be present in different combinations within a person. Earth might wish to cleave to earth, but only with water can earth allow seeds and saplings to grow.

It is a natural desire to long for the soul that is made of the same material as yours. Despite this, this is not what God intended. It is the medley of the elements and the meeting of souls from different places in heaven that God wished. Unfortunately, it is very painful for souls made of the same material to break away from one another, for they recognized each other from long before. It is necessary, but causes excruciating pain to the soul. Thus, the soul cries out to God, who hears its plea and sheds a crystal tear. The soul questions: What good does this tear do me, O' God? How does it help me? And God answers: Only in time shall you understand.

But one day the soul will realize that the tear was a gateway. It will wander through and find itself in an illuminated, beautifully colored world. Surprised, the soul will question God. Turning back, it will see the tear has become a mirror. And strangely, the soul will realize that in fact the tear is a diamond. Its facets reflect the soul's own brilliance; it was cleansed due to its suffering.

It was given to me to know what my soul looks like. God ensured that I knew since I was very little; I know where it lies in my body and precisely how it is shaped. It is shaped like a sword, almost a crescent, and begins at my right shoulder, reaching to the left side of my abdomen. It is transparent, but the edges are rimmed with blue light. I do not know what this means. Perhaps the crescent suggests the waxing and waning of the moon, even as I have been given the ability to shift between euphoric and tragic experiences. Perhaps the sword suggests the battles I have yet to fight, and please God, to win. What is certain is that my soul is always purified through suffering.

God loved Chana, and yet he kept her barren for many years of her life. Her husband adored her, and yet she wept. Penina teased her and hurt her, and only then did she speak out. She told God that she would make herself a sotah in order to snatch a child from His throne. That is the reward for the sotah who has been falsely accused.

I inherited my name and everything it entails. Chana prayed in an unusual way; I do, too. It is through my fingers, in the words I write. Chana only cried out to God after He tortured her, and this is what He does to me as well.

טז אַל-תִּתֵּן, אֶת-אֲמָתְךָ, לִפְנֵי, בַּת-בְּלִיָּעַל: כִּי-מֵרֹב שִׂיחִי וְכַעְסִי, דִּבַּרְתִּי עַד-הֵנָּה. 16 Count not thy handmaid for a wicked woman: for out of the abundance of my complaint and my vexation have I spoken hitherto.'

God, judge me kindly despite my sins. I have intended well. I have sinned out of an abudance of love rather than hatred. I have railed against you, but You know my bitterness. Comfort your child, the daughter who seeks you. At times I have been angry at you. I believe You think I am stronger than I am. You have given me paths to walk where others have fallen. You have pained me very much. I know You do this to purify me. I know You do it so that I may know you better. I know, God, that you love me, and you break me in order to create me anew. Only sometimes I think myself fragile, despite the fact that You know I am not.

The Rav states: "Prayer and tzara are inseperably linked. Who prays? Only the sufferer prays. If man does not find himself in narrow straits, if he is not troubled by anything, if he knows not what tzara is, then he need not pray. To a happy man, to contented man, the secret of prayer was not revealed."

I approach you with my whole soul; I have offered up prayers with all my heart. I know that with this pain I am purified; only sometimes, I think it is too much for my soul to bear. As my Creator, I know You know better than I what I was made to do and why I am here. I know You will give me the tools to accomplish my task, and some of these tools can only be provided through enlightenment, and enlightenment is achieved through pain. My soul is afire with white light; you have cleansed it utterly. I can only imagine what path You have next laid out for me to walk. You have more faith in me than I do. Had You told me what You would bid me do, and at what price, I am certain I would not have trusted myself to accept Your command. But I am Your creation; You forged me and made me. You shall continue to try me, until I am made perfect and one day you shall declare that your daughter has found favor in Your eyes, at which point I will be permitted to die. Only then can my soul fly up to you, pure as You have forced it to become, and rejoin those who dwell in Your presence. Only then will You grant me peace.

Benediction

Wherever in the world you may be, whether it is here or traveling to the stars, you have my blessing, my love and support always.

This is my benediction
in place of a valediction.

I forbid unhappiness.
The world shall explode with joy.

Go Chica! Get Banana!

Otherwise known as "Jungle Song" by Aqua. This version utilizes Pirates of the Carribean clips, and makes me die of laughter. ;-)

Hayley Westenra is My Goddess

If I were to be a singer, I would be Hayley Westenra. She is a goddess. Firstly, she is utterly gorgeous, but much more importantly, her voice is beyond beautiful.

I love her rendition of Summer Fly (pay no attention to the video, just listen to the song. Lyrics here.) That's my mood at the moment.

Many of her other songs express aspects of my personality. I adored 'Dark Waltz' from the first time I heard it, which was back when I was 16. Her rendition of 'One Fine Day' is completely amazing (and as far as I am considered, Madame Butterfly = love.) 'You Are Water' is a lovesong to God. And then there's her cover of 'Both Sides Now' (originally Joni Mitchell),'which is probably the theme song to my life after The Carpenters' 'Rainbow Connection.'

God creates such beauty in the world. This woman is one of those beautiful creations.

~

And here are the lyrics to my almost-theme song, just to give you a taste.

Both Sides Now

Rows and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
I've looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
Clouds got in my way

I've looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way that you feel
As every fairy tale comes real
I've looked at love that way

But now it's just another show
And you leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know
Don't give yourself away

I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall
I really don't know love
Really don't know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say "I love you" right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I've looked at life that way

Oh but now old friends they're acting strange
And they shake their heads
And they tell me that I've changed
Well something's lost but something's gained
In living every day

I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life
I really don't know life at all

Movie Recommendation

Alas, my laptop is in its death throes. iTunes killed itself long ago, Paint died early on, and now my laptop cannot play any DVDs. That is most depressing. How exactly I managed to ruin the movie-playing capabilities of this wonderful item that makes me happy, I do not know, but I did.

Nevertheless, I am curious to hear movie recommendations from you!

I like: Drama, Adaptations of various and sundry books (it's generally okay if it's a mini-series as well) and that's about it. No Horror, Comedy or Chick Flicks for this girl (maybe the occasional chick flick.)

Kindly recommend away! Thanks.

CORRECTION: Not only does my laptop not play DVDs, but it actually ruins them! It scratched a DVD to all hell last night. Alas. Ruined $20 movie.

I'm So Lucky

One of the women I love best in the world informed me of a piece of news I did not entirely understand, and at the time I was confused. But now, having had the time to think it over, I realize how incredibly lucky I am. Firstly, because it was one of the women I love best in the world who told me this piece of news, as opposed to my finding it out from a different source. Secondly, because I had my NCSY Shabbaton of great and distracting proportions to soothe me. Thirdly, because I returned home to Chicago to partyland where my family loves me and helps me. And fourthly, because my friend (whom I shall call Spock for the purposes of this blog) hit me up and told me he wanted to spend time with me. His "spending time with me" turned into:

1. Going out to eat at Taboun
2. Exploring the Botanical Gardens (which are beautiful)
3. Going to his house/ meeting his family/ his giving me his artwork
4. Checking out Borders and purchasing Shogun
5. Checking out Barnes and Noble
6. Heading to Northbrook Court to see "Star Trek"
7. Heading to Old Orchard to see "Star Trek" because the movie started too late at Northbrook Court, then watching Star Trek together
8. Driving me home, holding doors for me, and meeting my family
9. Calling me a "transcendent beauty"

And tonight I sit here and realize there are so many other ways that this piece of news could have come into my possession (imagine if I had learned of it while trying to finish the YU Observer, studying for finals and writing English papers), I thank God, who is Just, and realize how great His kindness and compassion are and have been. God ensured that I would be well-cared for and happy; He is good. I apologize for my mistrust.

Homework Buddies

In elementary school, we were homework buddies. We lived just across the street from one another.

She brought me my homework when I was sick; I brought hers home when she was sick.

I remember going to her house for Shabbos and being amazed by the beautiful appetizer her mother served. It was salmon wrapped in puff pastry dough and there was an exciting sauce alongside it on each individual plate. I also remember playing in the basement and being excited by the toys. I remember her hair in all its stages, dark and cut short, dark and wavy...

I have known her ever since I can remember. In kindergarten, our mothers independantly picked out the same blue-and-white flower-printed dress for us. However, I wore mine to my kindergarten graduation, and she did not.

Today she's going to be married. And all I can think is: You were my homework buddy, not so very long ago. A staple of my life, the one constant; something unchanging and reliable. It's strange to have that taken from me, even though this allows you the star bedecked glory you richly deserve. It's not as though we have been homework buddies for the past 5 years. And yet, when I think of you, it is this image that comes to mind: the kind, patient girl who brought me my work and explained my assignments. We were not best friends; we had different crowds, but you were kind to me. I appreciate that. In fact, I have always admired that in you.

Mazal Tov, lovely homework buddy! May you and your soon-to-be-husband be blessed in every way.

Beautiful

If I taught Mishlei, I would have all my students listen to "Beautiful" by Creed in order to understand King Solomon's warnings against the beautiful woman (and what she symbolizes). Then I would have them write an essay expounding upon the way the lyrics connect to the concepts in the perakim and/or why they feel they differ.

Examples

טז לְהַצִּילְךָ, מֵאִשָּׁה זָרָה; מִנָּכְרִיָּה, אֲמָרֶיהָ הֶחֱלִיקָה. 16 To deliver thee from the strange woman, even from the alien woman that maketh smooth her words;

יז הַעֹזֶבֶת, אַלּוּף נְעוּרֶיהָ; וְאֶת-בְּרִית אֱלֹהֶיהָ שָׁכֵחָה. 17 That forsaketh the lord of her youth, and forgetteth the covenant of her God.

יח כִּי שָׁחָה אֶל-מָוֶת בֵּיתָהּ; וְאֶל-רְפָאִים, מַעְגְּלֹתֶיהָ. 18 For her house sinketh down unto death, and her paths unto the shades;

יט כָּל-בָּאֶיהָ, לֹא יְשׁוּבוּן; וְלֹא-יַשִּׂיגוּ, אָרְחוֹת חַיִּים. 19 None that go unto her return, neither do they attain unto the paths of life;

כ לְמַעַן--תֵּלֵךְ, בְּדֶרֶךְ טוֹבִים; וְאָרְחוֹת צַדִּיקִים תִּשְׁמֹר. 20 That thou mayest walk in the way of good men, and keep the paths of the righteous.

~Proverbs 2

כז כִּי-שׁוּחָה עֲמֻקָּה זוֹנָה; וּבְאֵר צָרָה, נָכְרִיָּה. 27 For a harlot is a deep ditch; and an alien woman is a narrow pit.

כח אַף-הִיא, כְּחֶתֶף תֶּאֱרֹב; וּבוֹגְדִים, בְּאָדָם תּוֹסִף. 28 She also lieth in wait as a robber, and increaseth the faithless among men.

~Proverbs 23

To Judge Favorably

Just because one does not know the reason, does not permit one to suspect others of anything but the best. And thus I know that no matter the situation, it has only occurred for the best of reasons and the purest of intentions. It is common in life to encounter situations where one is not sure of why the other person chose to go about his actions in a particular way. What was his intent? Why did he not clarify it? At this point in time, it is upon us to answer kindly. His intent was only the best. Why did she not tell me of the party she was holding? She did not wish to distract me from studying for my final exams, and if she had told me, it would have made me feel bad that I could not come. Some things are not given to us to know; therefore, we choose our own endings.

~

Once a man went from the Upper Galilee (in northern Israel) to work for an employer in the south for three years.

On the eve of Yom Kippur of the third year, he said to his employer, "Give me my wages, and I will go home and support my wife and my children."

The employer said to him, "I do not have any money to pay you."

"Give me fruit instead," said the worker.

"I have no fruit," answered the employer.

"Give me land," said the worker.

"I do not have any land," answered the employer.

"Give me animals," said the worker.

"I do not have any animals," answered the employer.

"Give me quilts and pillows," said the worker.

"I do not have any quilts and pillows," answered the employer.

The worker packed his bags and went home, disappointed.

After the holiday, the employer traveled to the worker's home with the man's wages and with three donkeys. One was laden with food, the second with drinks, and the third with delicacies.

When he arrived, after they had eaten and drunk together, the employer gave the worker his wages and all the other gifts, and said to him, "When you asked me for your wages, and I told you that I did not have any money, did you think that was the truth?" "I thought," answered the worker, "that you had obtained merchandise at a bargain price, and had spent all your money."

The employer said to him, "When you asked me for animals, and I told you that I did not have any animals, what did you think was the truth?"

"I thought," answered the worker, "that they were rented out to others."

The employer said to him, "When you asked me for land, and I told you that I did not have any land, what did you think was the truth? "

"I thought, " answered the worker, "that the land also was rented out to others."

The employer said to him, "When you asked me for fruit, and I told you that I did not have any fruit, what did you think was the truth? "

"I thought, " answered the worker, "that the fruit had not yet been tithed."

The employer said to him, "And after you asked me for quilts and Pillows, and I told you that I did not have any, what did you think was the truth?"

"I thought, " answered the worker, "that you had given away all Your Possessions to the beis Ha-mikdash by making a vow of hekdesh [pledge to the Temple]."

The employer said, "I swear to you that that is exactly what happened. I had promised away all of my possessions because of Hurkanos, my son, who did not wish to learn Torah. And when I came to my friends in the south, they annulled my vows. And just as You Judged me favorably, so may G-d judge you favorably."

~Shabbos 127b (Source for translation here)

The White Rose 2

Once, a long time ago, I promised an Anonymous person that one day she would have her white rose.

Today she does. Mazal Tov, dearest! May all the blessings in the world shower down upon you and your fiance. May you be granted every happiness, and may God Himself smile as He sees your courage rewarded. You have reached out to others and helped them, despite having been warned of the consequences and having been told that no one would marry you. Clearly your truth burns brightly, and as any flame, its light is attractive. This man must be special; hopefully, as special as you are.

Every so often, the lucky ones get the fairytale ending they deserve. ;-)

And what lovely news it is with which to illuminate my Shabbos!

Why Do You Get Up In The Morning?

Otherwise known as: What is your reason for being? What is the meaning in your life? What do you live for? What do you aspire to do? What touches you; what makes you feel real?

Have you ever lost your meaning, and if you did, were you able to rediscover it? How did you do so?

לֵב--יוֹדֵעַ, מָרַּת נַפְשׁוֹ

י לֵב--יוֹדֵעַ, מָרַּת נַפְשׁוֹ; וּבְשִׂמְחָתוֹ, לֹא-יִתְעָרַב זָר. 10 The heart knoweth its own bitterness; and with its joy no stranger can intermeddle.

~Proverbs 14:10

Or as Stargirl put it:

"I'm disappearing, Leo. Like Dootsie's trick, except this is real. Who are you if you lose your favorite person? Can you lose your favorite person without losing yourself? I reach for Stargirl and she's gone. I'm not me anymore."

~Love, Stargirl

You Want Perfect? Go Buy Yourself A Barbie Doll

For all the girls out there who consistently are told that their self-worth depends wholly upon their looks/ grades/ the money they make/ careers/ other people's opinions of them:

Screw everybody's expectations: we're going to party in hell!

The ugliest word in the English language is "potential." Potential gets in the way of living. Potential beats you down; everything is measured against your supposed "potential." You're never good enough because you haven't worked to your potential, haven't reached your potential, or otherwise haven't managed to fulfill somebody else's dreams for you. You know what? Everybody can go worry about their own potential and leave the rest of us alone.

Soundtrack: Alanis Morisette's "Perfect" (Lyrics)

Tanakh, Cholent & X-Box

I bring you a hilarious comic, created and drawn by the talented Yaelle Frohlich, for your reading pleasure. (Click to enlarge.)

~

Mommy Dear

When I was one and bruised my knee,
Mommy dear was there for me.
She kissed my ankle and my toe,
And somehow that softened the blow.

When I was two and speaking fast,
Mommy dear saw that it’d last.
She told me stories in the night,
Changing darkness into light.

When I was three and drama queen,
Mommy dear played out a scene
In which I was a princess of
A kingdom that was filled with love.

When I was four and bathed the rug,
Mommy dear just gave a shrug.
Strawberry shampoo for my hair
Now scented the carpet there.

When I was five and went to school,
Mommy dear laid down the rule.
Play with children, remain sweet;
Share your toys and do not cheat.

When I was six and dreamt a dream,
Mommy dear assured me cream
Inside the cupcakes that I gave.
About my birthday, kids did rave.

When I was seven and lived to write,
Mommy dear just kept in sight
The day I’d published author be
When she’d rejoice and be happy.

When I was eight and cried one day
Mommy dear taught me to pray.
Thank God for the life He’s charmed;
Ask Him to keep you safe and warm.

When I was nine and read LOTR,
Mommy dear put cookies in a jar.
Almost grown-up but still a child,
She tamed a beauty once so wild.

When I was ten and felt lonely,
Mommy dear said it was only
The malice of children so unkind;
They were jealous of my mind.

When I was eleven, breaking free,
Mommy dear developed me,
Allowing my thoughts to wander so,
Making sure that I would grow.

When I was twelve, with curly hair,
Mommy dear taught me an air
At once graceful, yet refined;
Elegance and wit entwined.

When I was thirteen, trying still,
Mommy dear showed me that thrills
Of the body had no place
When it came to a mental race.

When I was fourteen, all was dark.
Mommy dear made a remark:
“One day they shall see it, too;
Truth has filled you through and through.”

When I was fifteen, all at odds,
Mommy dear showed me that God
Had created me exactly so
And one day I too would glow.

When I was sixteen, oh-so-brazen,
Mommy dear chose to emblazon
Respect for others on my soul
And how that lesson took its toll!

When I was seventeen, running wild,
Mommy dear saw the moonlight child,
Raised her up and brought her high,
Despite the fact I made her cry.

When I was eighteen, walking a road
Mommy dear knew would not corrode
My spirit, my essence or my light,
She fought my battles, every fight.

When I was nineteen, weeping low
Mommy dear told me that dough
Can only rise once it’s been beaten,
Pummeled to a pulp, then eaten.

Now I am twenty, bruised once more,
Mommy dear shall share her lore.
In her wisdom, she knows to fall
Only helps you to stand tall.

Mommy dear has always been
My lady who can see within;
In her presence, I am awed;
Who am I? A simple fraud.

In grandeur does my Mother walk;
She watches her children like a hawk.
Guards them so that they may grow;
Frightens others who would sow

The winter of their discontent
Amidst the children of her tent.
We do not know her sorrows, for
Her own suffering she ignores.

In favor of giving us her all.

Mommy dear, what does one say;
How to thank the golden ray
Of sunshine who yet lights my way?

May God take away your pain.
May He grant you life again.
Take away your tears, don’t weep;
Go to bed in peaceful sleep.

There is darkness, but the day
Brings beauty, more than I can say.
And though my grandmother is ill
There are swallows on the window sill.
They are singing, Mommy dear;
Listen, listen- and you’ll hear.

There are many paths we yet shall walk;
Many times we’ll take to talk.
The color has not yet been taken;
From this darkness, you’ll awaken.

For I love you, Mommy dear.
And I will rescue you- no fear.

Letter To God

One of the most beautiful songs of all time is Duncan James' "Letter to God." You can listen to it here. (His entire album, "Future Past," released in 2006, is utterly gorgeous.)

Here are the lyrics.

~

The part I like best in the song:

Are you listening?
I'm shooting rubber bands up at the stars
Some days I just don't know where you are
I'm feeling kind of lost down here

It's the image of someone shooting rubber bands up at the stars that I love...there's something fantastic about that.

And then, the chorus also really resonates with me:

Tell me what does it mean
Are you receiving me?
And if there's something that I forgot
I'll put it down in a letter to god
To you

It's like humans are a radio frequency and God has to turn on the radio in order to "receive" their prayers; hence the question: "Are you receiving me?" And I like that idea, too.

So put a child on a star-watching rock out of a Madeline L'Engle book, have her shoot rubber bands at the stars and then have her question God as to whether He is receiving her on his radio frequency, and you have Chana at her best.

Please Care That I Exist Today

We go walking through the world
And we have one simple plea;
Please care that I exist today,
And that will heal me.

Please care that I exist today;
I walk the world like you.
Despite the smile on my face,
I feel see-through, too.

The sky is lit with color;
The ocean glows so blue.
A dazzling array of fireworks,
And no one has a clue.

I’m bruised but I’m not broken.
I’m holding up all right.
But all I want is someone
To comfort me at night.

Please care that I exist today,
Help me so I cry.
And having given up the pain,
Awake tomorrow- to try.

I want truly to be happy-
I really want to soar.
But this glass forms my ceiling
When it should be my floor.

Give me strength so I can follow;
Sing me songs so that I dance
Let me find the God I seek;
Prayer is my only chance.

Please care that I exist today;
Please share your soul with me.
I will give it back, I promise.
I might even set you free.