Sunday, October 09, 2011

In Which Chana's Nose Becomes An Icicle

Here I sit in my freezing cold apartment, wearing warm Mickey Mouse socks (thanks Dana!) and pajamas, clutching a cup of hot cocoa to myself while hearing the following song play in my head:

O' woe is me, o' woe is me
This would kill the canary
It's so freezing in my bed
That it's a wonder I'm not dead

I ask aloud for those of you who can explain the immutable, baffling ways of landlords: why does the heat not go on until October 15th?

My thoughts on this matter:

1. It saves on embalming costs, because this way when people die of cold, at least their bodies stay at the same temperature one would find in a morgue

2. It (all together now) builds character! (Ahahahaha. Josh, my dear, that was for you.)

3. It ensures that you huddle under the warming light in your bathroom the entire day, and the only thing to do in a bathroom is to become clean, so the landlords get to operate under the assumption that you will be reasonably clean when they encounter you. This makes them happy.

4. They've made a secret pact with Milk St Cafe or Coffee Bean because they know that packaged hot chocolate doesn't taste like real hot chocolate and if you're cold enough, you'll go outside to buy real hot chocolate

5. It's an effort to enforce modesty, because this way the only place you can change clothes is in the bathroom under the aforementioned warming light, and thus this will keep you honest. (And chaste. And good. And modest.)

Anyone else have any good reasons?


Ezzie said...

Laws which let landlords point to them instead of using common sense.

Don't worry, once it goes on, you'll likely need to turn on your A/C to counter the overbearing heat.

(Clearly, I'm still bitter about the years where I didn't control my own heat.)

Yosef said...

Doesn't seem so cold here.

Elle said...

Um it's 80 today. I haven't been cold yet! Do you want to borrow my electric blanket? (I could probably find it in a box still packed away.)

That said I believe the true reason they don't turn on the winter is out of pure kindness towards those of us who suffer from SAD and like to pretend it is Summer (or at very least, not winter) for as long as humanly possible.

frum single female said...

yes, landlords are required to turn on the heat october 15 . they turned mine on then but it seems its been off for the past few days. i dont mind though. as soon as its on i need to keep a fan on and turn on some fans.

Altie said...

Lol. Buy a heater? In the winter my room was pretty cold, I stupidly did not buy a heater and slept every night in pajamas, sweatshirt, with bathrobe, and sock, shaking under the covers. (We had a thermostat which made the downstairs warm but didnt quite reach upstairs.)

I sympathize. But really, invest in a space heater!

The Cousin said...

Funny, when I was recently home one day my father didn't have the air on at all. Another day the air was on full blast. [Okay, I was cold both times but still...]

I think however, this explains it all

Elle said...

FYI our lease doesn't allow for electric space heaters. How lame!

The Talmid said...

Return to CHicago! It's in the 80's.