Sunday, February 15, 2009

A Burning Fire and a River of Tears: One Day in My Shoes

This is an extremely powerful essay that appears in the newest edition of Kol Hamevaser: The Jewish Thought Magazine of the Yeshiva University Student Body. The name of the issue is "Kedoshim Tihyu," and it just came out today.

~

A Burning Fire and a River of Tears: One Day in My Shoes

I wake up to a buzzing alarm clock signaling another day and head out to daven. I concentrate as hard as I can and ask Hashem for help to face another day. I am the typical YU student. I go to morning seder, lunch, shiur, and then my secular classes. I am still the typical YU student. I sit down for supper, go to night seder and then to Maariv. Am I really the typical YU student? I spend my nights studying for the next day of classes; I work hard for my grades, but still find some time to spend with my friends. But as I get ready to put my head down for the night, exhausted from a trying day, I know that I am not the typical Yu student; Hashem has given me the challenge of challenges, a challenge that leaves me muffling my cries on a tear stained pillow as I slowly fall asleep.

Each of us has a challenge in the world, a roadblock on the highway of life that challenges us to become the best we can be. We are given these tests to help shape our character, to become masters of our desires, whatever they are. Whether the test is keeping Shabbat or learning afternoon seder between classes, we are all given a test in life. My own challenge keeps me up at night, preoccupies my thoughts during the day, and leaves me feeling like I am walking down a somber road in a lonely world. I am a religious Jew, living in the religious world, faced with the challenge of being a homosexual.

The Torah tells us that the act of homosexuality is an abomination, and under no circumstances is one to perform this act, even when faced with death as the only alternative. The act of homosexuality is likened to that of bestiality and adultery and is looked upon in the most severe of manners. There is little reference otherwise to homosexuality in the Torah and Talmud, although at the end of Masekhet Kiddushin, we are told that two men are prohibited from sleeping under the same blanket for fear of possible homosexual relations taking place. The Gemara there, however, states that this ruling no longer applies as such acts were practically unheard-of during that era. Little other information is available from these early sources on the topic, although some stories are related in the Gemara and several biblical Midrashim.

Before homosexuality started to become an acceptable alternative lifestyle, as is so visibly flaunted today, the idea of permitting homosexuality in Judaism was unheard of. Within the last several years however, arguments have started to be discussed to try and find loopholes for its permissibility. Homosexuality is labeled by the Torah as an abomination and there are no infallible arguments against it. ‘How can Hashem expect us to live our lives as celibates? As two consenting adults we should be allowed to live our lives the way we want in order to find true happiness,” is often an argument put forth to the Jewish community. “Love,’ ‘fulfillment,’ ‘exploitative,’ ‘meaningful’- the list itself sounds like a lexicon of emotionally charged terms drawn at random from the disparate sources of both Christian and psychologically-oriented agnostic circles” [1] wrote YU’s Chancellor and Rosh Ha-Yeshivah, Rabbi Dr. Norman Lamm in the 1970s. He went in depth to prove that these arguments would permit any sexual liaisons in today’s society, removing from it all sexual morality.

As a religious Jew I have always put Torah values at the center of my beliefs. Never would I dream of trying to say that homosexuality is permissible, I know that there is something intrinsically wrong with such an act. That is not to say that it is not a challenge for me. Attraction, whether to a man or a woman, is not always something that one can control. The fact that I have certain desires— which I would purge from my life in a second if I had the ability—is something that I cannot change. They leave me with feelings of solitude, despair, depression and alas, excitement.

Am I an abomination? Does Hashem look at me with disgust and loathing, as I feel so many people would should my struggle be known, as so many people do look at ‘open’ religious Jewish homosexuals today? When one looks closely, the verse in Vayikra labels the homosexual act as an abomination, but only the act. The perpetrators are people, people who are challenged who don’t know how to control their desires- desires that so many of them pray they never had. Chief Rabbi Sir Jonathan Sacks explains so simply that the Torah “…does not condemn homosexual disposition, because the Torah does not speak about what we are, but what we do.”[2]

However, within the Orthodox Jewish context, few people recognize this. While many today have corrupted general society, leaving it with the notion that once someone is gay, he/she will eventually “come out” and live an “alternative lifestyle,” this is impossible for an Orthodox Jew to accept. As such, I have hidden throughout my lifetime— today I do and in high school I did. I hid in fear that I would be ostracized and excommunicated from the Jewish community. I stood alone as a frightened fifteen-year-old boy, not trying to discretely act on my desires, yet unable to call out and ask for help to rid myself of them. I stood frightened and didn’t know where to turn. I always wanted to find a wife and raise a family as an Orthodox man. I did not know how I would ever be able to do that, but I knew, and still know, that that is the life I am destined to live. I knew that one day I would need to tell someone about my feelings, step out from my hidden world of shadows, and ask for help.

It took me five years to gain the courage to reach that petrifying moment. After many months of praying and introspecting, I eventually reached the point not where I wanted to tell someone, but when I was prepared to tell someone. That moment had been the most horrifying and dreaded thought in my mind for so many years. I had prepared for the worst possible outcome, no doubt because of Hollywood’s portrayal of the heroic homosexual being shunned by once-loving family. I readied myself to be thrown away by a towering figure pointing out in the distance with anger and furry on his face. I prepared myself to watch my life disintegrate before my eyes, collapsing like a building whose structure finally gave out after years of pressure, a house of cards falling from the force of a gust of wind. But through all this I never faltered in my determination to live a life committed to Judaism. I told myself that it didn’t matter what happened in my life, and how anyone reacted; I was raised a frum Jew, which is my true life and my real identity, and no matter what anyone ever said or did to me nothing could weaken who I was.

I wasn’t sure how my rebbe from yeshivah in Israel would react. I expected to be sent home from the yeshiva in shame, looked upon like I was some sexual deviant. I told myself in my heart that no matter how anyone reacted, no matter what, even if I was told to leave my yeshiva and thrown from my house, that I was never going to act upon my desires nor was I ever to turn from G-d. I thank Hashem every day for the strengths he has given me. I thank him for the rebbe he sent me, who, instead of rejecting me, stood by my side helping me though the most awful time of my life. I thank him for the stamina he gave me to fight a depression that nearly led me to commit suicide.

My path is unclear and even though I still stand alone, I stand armed with the will to live another day and fight to keep my beliefs alive. No matter the support I get, I stand on trial every day of my life. I do not know where my future will lead. I do not know what I must do or how I can change my feelings. I live with a sense of frustration knowing the goal I want to reach, but without the tools to arrive there. What must I do to be able to marry a woman? What must I share with my future partner? How can I even bring myself to tell her this hidden secret? I do not know if it is fair to ask someone to live such a life with me or whether I will really be able to truly be happy in such a relationship. I know I want to one day make marriage to a woman work. I know I want to love her and have her love me back. I know I want to watch her walk down to the huppah in the most beautiful wedding dress, with tears of happiness and joy in her eyes, as I know there will be in mine. I know that I want to stand with her, supporting her through the hard times that she will go through, and be there for her always. I see this vision in my future, but I have so many questions that have no answers.

I know that I have a goal that I hold onto everyday. But I live trying to cope with an everlasting sense of guilt. I know that this is not my fault and that this is the way my life was divinely ordained to progress. I have read through so many different experimental ideas as to the root of homosexual attractions. But to me that is all they are, ideas, possibilities that I do not think will really help me in ridding me of my challenge. I do not think that I will ever be able to fully rid myself of my feelings, even when I am to marry and raise a family. Such knowledge is endlessly frustrating. I know where my path will lead, but I do not know how to get there. I see hope at the end of the road, but the path to it is covered by a screen of smoke and fog.

And I still live in fear. I have told a handful of people about my challenge. The results have sometimes been incredibly painful. I have had to pull away from people I have once called friends because of pain and embarrassment. I have severed relationships with close friends because of their lack of understanding and because of the hurt and confusion I have caused them. I watch my friends begin to date, and begin to marry and question what my future holds. Will I find someone to share my life with? Will I ever really be completely happy with my decision? Am I destined to live a life alone? I want to tell my friends, to cry out to them, but I know I cannot. I know that the path that has been laid before me is one of solitude.

Rabbi Dr. Lamm once wrote that “Judaism allows for no compromise in its abhorrence of sodomy, but encourages both compassion and efforts at rehabilitation.”[3] I have told you my story and have given you a glimpse at my challenge. I do not ask you to cry with me nor accept me; I only ask you to realize that I am out there. Realize that not everyone who is challenged with homosexuality is parading and crying for equal rights. I beg you to realize this—that I, too, am a frum Jew, trying to live a frum life like everyone else. I stand with you in the elevators of Belfer, Furst, Muss, Morg and Rubin. I eat lunch at your table, sit with you in class; you call me a friend. And I am not one person; I am the courageous voice that has spoken for a group that lives isolated and in hiding.

The Mishna in Pirkei Avot tells us to never judge a man before you have walked in his shoes. I have let you see a peek of the trial I will face for the rest of my life, and ask that you do not judge me; I ask you to understand me. There is a fire within me, which will always burn within me, urging me to fight and complete my destiny, which I must hide from the world. I stand next to you, even if you will never know my identity and my challenge. Many tears have flown from my heavy eyes and there will be many more. One day in my shoes, a trial that will last a lifetime.

~

[1] Rabbi Dr. Norman Lamm, “Judaism and the Modern Attitude to Homosexuality,” in Jewish Bioethics, ed. Fred Rosner and J. David Bleich (New York: Sanhedrin Press, 1979), 209.

[2] Chief Rabbi Sir Jonathan Sacks’ foreward to Rabbi Chaim Rapoport, Judaism and Homosexuality: An Authentic Orthodox View (London; Portland, OR: Vallentine Mitchell, 2004), ix.

[3] Lamm, 217.

80 comments:

Anonymous said...

Very sad....
but his commitment to Torah and Hakadosh Baruch Hu is inspirational...
hope he finds peace soon.

Dalia said...

I just read this article, and it was incredible.

I hope everyone reads this.
Homosexuality is a very misunderstood topic in Judaism, and I think you brings a voice of sensitivity and understanding to the subject.Thank you so much for having the courage to share your struggles and hopefully bring understanding to a wider audience.

Yashar Koach, and continue to go from strength to strength.

הצעיר שלמה בן רפאל לבית שריקי ס"ט said...

I mean..I hate to...give my opinions here.., but my opinion about homosexuality, or rather "modern-American homosexuality" is; what about heterosexual people, are they always able to give in to their urges? Are heterosexual people (in Judaism) the privilaged ones who are able to have "their form" of sexual fulfilment as much as they want, 24/7? As far as Judaism goes we're all "homosexuals" in a sense in college, because no matter who we're attracted to, we can only manifest that attraction in VERY specific ways (marriage. with one person. after a while).

Even in a non-Judaic perspective, not everyone can fulfill their sexual desires with anyone else at any given time.

...some people never get married. If their biggest concern is that they're "missing out on a lot of sex" then they're, in my opinion, a bit messed up.

Look at Yaakov Avinu; according to the Torah the first time he was able to manifest himself in a reproductive was was in his seventies! Was he crying every day until then "I can't have sex!"? I don't think so, because that's not an ideal we tend to stress in Jewish thought.

If it's friendship they're after then they can be friends with whoever they want. So to be sympathetic towards people who's sexual inclinations seem to lead more towards the homosexual spectrum because they "can't experience sexuality in the way they would enjoy most" is just as odd as feeling for a 28 year old girl who never had sex. ..it's a bit of a "loss" I guess, but not the end of the world. In America (and the West) this loss is accentuated because in this society everybody is supposed to have as much sex as they're able to.. no?

Unfurling Iris said...

There's a distinct difference between a 28 year old girl who's never had sex and someone who is a torah observant, homosexual jew. Even though the girl hasn't had sex yet, there is still hope that one day she will meet someone, get married, and start a family. The homosexual Jew is knows that there is never any way, never any hope that they will find someone.

Heterosexual people cannot always give in to their urges, but there are times when it would be halakhically permissible to do so (ie within the framework of marriage). A homosexual Jew never even has that option.

הצעיר שלמה בן רפאל לבית שריקי ס"ט said...

Iris: Um, ..I suppose this gives me opportunity to stress some of the points I made.

1. Again, even someone who knows they won't be able to have sex (due to lack of a marriage partner, homosexuality, a disease, or any other reason); that's not something that's really the kind of thing I want to hear or read about. Let them write a f--king diary or something. Sex is placed on a pedestal of much too much importance in America.

2. Something I considered writing last time, but thought would be a little iffy, is that there are schools of thought that suggest that many people are not 100% homo or hetero sexually inclined. i.e. many heterosexual people can develop homosexual leanings, and many homosexuals are not totally turned off by the opposite sex. If this were true for most homosexual people, then I would suggest the same thing be done in the Jewish community as is done in the Mormon community; encourage them to marry (the opposite sex) anyway. If the situation presented itself, it's difficult to say that most homosexual people would rather no sex than heterosexual relations (if, again, they were desperate enough).

By the way, I once found that Shmeley Boteach (in his book Moses of Oxford) concurred with my sentiments about how homosexuality has taken such a prominent place in modern society for the poor reason that we're a society in which too much importance is attributed to sexual-fulfilment.

Anonymous said...

I don't get it, people in prison have no problem settling for homosexual sex for 20 to life, why can't homos settle for hetro sex?

הצעיר שלמה בן רפאל לבית שריקי ס"ט said...

Anonymous: Ha. Exactly my point! ..I just didn't want to say it in those words.

Anonymous said...

Shlomo son of Rafael: You probably mean well, but, trust me, you have some growing up to do.

הצעיר שלמה בן רפאל לבית שריקי ס"ט said...

Anonymous: I would like if your statement could be somewhat elaborated.

הצעיר שלמה בן רפאל לבית שריקי ס"ט said...

Hm. Very iffy grammar over there..

Purple-Blue-Green said...

To the YU student – you are very brave and I admire you so much for your sincerity and steadfast commitment to the Aibishter and His Torah. YISHAR KOACH! Please don't let the comments posted here get you down. You are obviously sensitive and YOU MUST NOT let this immature, insensitive falsely humble "HaTzair" get to you. Interesting, that he even labels himself "HaTzair" as if he is just waiting for someone to challenge him on his immature inability to empathize with another Jew/human being in pain. Deflect this - his comments should be of no consequence to you personally because you need to focus on what will help not hurt. I am going to try to share a few thoughts that you may find helpful. Firstly, the excitement of physical attraction is part of a life force for which we all must be grateful. This applies to anyone, whether we have an opportunity to act on it or not. This aspect of the life force ebbs and flows with time, your health, and with whatever is going on in your life. I'll bet that right now you are surrounded by lots of young men and probably not too many women and you are responding to the Neshamas around you. That is good. It means you are an open, engaged and an authentic person. Try to build on that thought, because you are a person who focuses on the internal, Pnimius or Neshamadik qualities. You travelled to Israel to learn! That shows idealism - and you spoke of appreciation for your Rebbe. I think that this focus might provide a way forward for you. I think that anyone who is honest about themselves and open to really loving other people might find his or herself capable or even amenable to bisexuality as an expression of LOVE under the right circumstances. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe not everyone can be that uninhibited and that loving. Maybe it's only true of women who don't share the same burden of the Issur (I am a woman)... I guess what I'm trying to say is that you might seek to cultivate not only your own humanity by being a giving and loving and accepting person (including of yourself), but also, the more you can grow and find ways to connect deeply with others, to be forgiving and compassionate as you will be to yourself… you might find that you can have this excitement just as much with a woman as with a man. I wouldn’t try to force a radical switch from one to the other, but rather at least, open yourself to the possibility of being bisexual. Then you can choose to emphasize one over the other. The other area to mull over is working on the idea of sex an expression of your love for another person, as opposed to getting pleasure out of it for yourself. I know from experience that men are first aware of the sexual attraction aspect, often rejecting a Shidduch prospect immediately where there isn’t chemistry knowing there is no chance for love. Women are different - seeking out a soul connection foremost and the attraction part kicking in afterward. Perhaps it is unnatural for a man, but perhaps you might try to follow the women’s example and start by looking for someone you want to be close to. Once upon a time, people spoke of "love-making" not just SEX, the way they do now. I think society as a whole is suffering from a lack of thinking of this private, intimate physical activity as a linking of souls acting out their love. To hear it told, it's almost as if everyone's given up on looking for someone to love any more - as the though the sex HAS to come first - at least in the secular world. It sounds like you're still quite young, thank G-d and it sounds as though you haven’t actually been in a sexual relationship with a man. As much as you may desperately wish for it in your fantasies, the reality would ultimately make your life a misery – I’m sure you know that. You are strong; don’t give in. Acknowledge the desire but try not to feed it. You have time and you should give it to yourself. Your whole life is ahead of you. Perhaps you should turn to the works of Chassidus (Chabad, Breslov especially) and accessible Frum Kabbalah (try www.inner.org. These will help you focus on the sweetness to be found within the soul and its connection to Hashem and to other Jews; to focusing on the positive; to understanding the deeper, hidden significance of the Mitzvot and the hidden worlds behind them. (The spiritual worlds depend on the successful unification of male/female forces just as much as the continuity of humanity does). Learn to draw out the best of yourself and make that your project for the next few years. Cut yourself some slack and don't be in a rush to get married just because everyone else is. I had a lot of stuff to work out and got married later and I'm glad I did. (Even though I'm unfortunately separated - praying for a Get - and the sexual challenge is much worse now that before marriage. There are also tears on my pillow.) Practically speaking, if I were you I would look for situations where people bring out or focus on their better selves... Shiurim, or situations where you are volunteering, doing Chesed etc. That way you will have a better chance to meet a woman whose Neshama will shine and you will catch the reflection of that diamond. If you are the sweet, loving, authentic person I suspect you are, deep down you just might find that it is a Soul attraction that will lead your heart, mind AND body... and THAT, you will be able to live with, B'Ezrat Hashem. I’m sure you will want to be with that woman only in Truth, where you can honestly feel wholehearted love and attraction for her. I daven for you and for ALL OF US challenged as we are with demanding sexuality that we make Emesdik choices to acknowledge our attractions not deny them, to get a handle on them, and then to then act and interact in ways that reflect the deeper Reality behind reality that will help carry Hashem's world to its ultimate fulfillment, and not Chas VeShalom, tear it down. WAIT, until you are more developed as a person, as a Jew, and daven to Hashem to help you discover that jewel of a Neshama - WHO WILL ALSO EXCITE YOU to want to join with her in complete spiritual, emotional, and physical unity. When you are ready, she will appear at the right time. In the meantime, Chazak VeAmatz! Be strong, continue to be brave and true to yourself, to your people and to the Aibishter - I'm sure you are making Him very proud; and may He reward you with joy commensurate to your tears and more... may we all live to see fulfillment of the prayer from Tehillim: Samcheinu KeYom Initanu -"make us just as happy as the day we felt the pain You sent". Because you know it all comes from Him. Choose Life. Good luck and G-d bless.

Jordanna said...

Can anyone tell me if this was this published in print?

Anonymous said...

Good luck with your life, but I sure as hell hope you're not my roommate.

The Talmid said...

Look for the KolBrisk parsha sheet this week, it has a very nice message about every Jew.

Anonymous said...

Firstly, thank you to Chana for posting this article online. It is available in print in newsstands on the Y.U. campuses, as well.

To the author:
As I read your story, I literally cried in pain for you. Your commitment to halakha is inspiring. Hashem should bless you with the strength to continue to meet this struggle.

-a Stern student

Anonymous said...

Why do I only hear about gay YU guys from Stern students/alums?

הצעיר שלמה בן רפאל לבית שריקי ס"ט said...

Probably because Stern girls recieve so little romantic attention from YU guys they assume they must be gay!

kisarita said...

"I don't get it, people in prison have no problem settling for homosexual sex for 20 to life, why can't homos settle for hetro sex?"

people in prison don't settle for homosexual sex. they're raped, by bigger, stronger, evil and disturbed people.

kisarita said...

he doesn't say whether he is attracted to women or not.

If he is attracted to women perhaps he can find someone who will accept him as bisexual, but he probably won't find her until he's a lot older.

If not, he can still be a father via manual insemination w a female friend.

Anonymous said...

First of all, thank you for posting that, Chana.

I was just thinking how the complicated situation of homosexuality seems to be pushed to the outskirts of Judaism's awareness. This article was a great insight into that.

As for the comments on this post, some of them are kind, supportive, and sensitive. Some, however, are disgustingly callous. How can one be so insensitive as to write off a very real issue that affects a committed human being as "weird", "unnatural", or even something you "don't want to hear or read about"? If you ignore the suffering of others because it makes you squeamish and you don't know to handle it, with that solve it? That insensitivity makes me furious, but the article itself is amazing. I hope he has a happy ending, b'ezrat Hashem.

-Meg

הצעיר שלמה בן רפאל לבית שריקי ס"ט said...

Meg: I feel your comment warrants somewhat of a response (from myself).

First of all it should be noted that there is little chance that the author of the very article in discussion reads these commentaries, in fact it's questionable if Chana herself sees them! My words are not directed towards anyone with homosexual leanings, and I speak on a theoretical level only.

Now obviously, it is commendable for anyone to overcome their sexual desires, especially one of this nature. Such abstention is all the more commendable due to the fact that many others give in to desires that are no more permissible than homosexuality, such as pre-marital sex, pornography, masturbation, adultery and polyamory (even thought of interactions of a sexual nature are known to be forbidden).

Again, when I said that those attempting to repress homosexual desires would be better off not publishing their frustrations with temporary celibacy, or the prospect of having to engage in sexual and social (opposite-sex) relationships which they perceive as unfulfilling, I meant, again, that I'd rather not read articles stressing homosexuality as I'd rather not read articles stressing heterosexuality (in a Judaic publication). There was a time when sexuality (and any "frustrations that might be associated with it) were kept more discreet.

Now, while I don't know that we have to be "as" discreet as they were, I understand that point of view. Even the legitimate passions between a married man and woman , or those which are gaining in legitimacy as those between an unmarried man and woman, or a man and a man, or a woman and a woman, or those that might one day gain more legitimacy as those between a man and a girl, a woman and a boy and a human and an animal (not meant as a form of taunting, but only to remind that these too are only currently, objectively negative) should not be stressed or pressed to hardly on the public eye, for sexuality is an intimate matter.

Yet again, anyone overcoming any kind of sexuality is a great matter, and something worth praise. Let us not forget what is quoted from Imma Shalom in the Talmud (Ned. 20), that her children merited greatness because her husband engaged in conjugation "as though he were compelled by a demon".

Hm. This is not how it appeared in my mind, and I am still open to novel thoughts on the subject, but this is how things appear to me at the moment..

Anonymous said...

Shlomo,

Thanks for listening and responding.
To me, it seems that you think sexuality is relative--that this boy can change his "preference" if he really wants to. He obviously wants to, but it's not as if he's suddenly attracted to women overnight.

While I agree with the sanctity of sex, I think it's important to understand Judaism's attitudes and spread an awareness of how it must be for those suffering like this guy.

His actions are indeed commendable. I just wonder if you would be so dismissive if it were you who could not fulfill your desires, and knew that you never could--if you spent a day in his shoes, as it were.

Meg

הצעיר שלמה בן רפאל לבית שריקי ס"ט said...

Meg: "To me, it seems that you think sexuality is relative--that this boy can change his "preference" if he really wants to."- I don't recall intimating anything of that nature here, but nonetheless it could and should be reminded that the study of sexual behavior is a branch of Psychology, which itself is a very young branch of science. Especially in the topic of sexuality there are a quite a few well-challenged notions and conflicting opinions. Some of the most up to date research can be seen on Wikipedia.

The topic of weather it is possible at all to change ones sexual orientation is obviously in heated debate among leading Psychologists. Suffice it to say though that the majority opinion is that ones sexuality is shaped by a number of things, including genes, hormones (sometimes artificial) and (childhood) environment and experiences. For example the song "I kissed a girl" was very popular last year. The obvious premise of the song is that many heterosexual women may create within themselves homosexual tendencies, thus suggesting that homosexuals may also develop heterosexual tendencies.

"I think it's important to understand Judaism's attitudes and spread an awareness of how it must be for those suffering"- Again, agree, but I also agree, as previously stated, that the need for sexual fulfillment shouldn't be displayed as too Judaic a concern (though lack of it is commendable and should perhaps be displayed).

I don't see where I've been "dismissive" in any way, but even if I was I am just engaging in open discussion on the topic (as aforementioned). I am neither sympathetic nor hostile, as neither help one gain knowledge.

I also don't understand why you suggest that I don't understand the homosexual phyche, in my opinion there are numerous parallels in the heterosexual realm. One example is that I can obviously understand what it would be like if it was suggested that I was only permitted to wed other males. Another example is that many men are married to woman who become very unattractive over the course of their marriage, many of them no more attractive to the average heterosexual male as another male would be, and yet many men are faced with the prospect of engaging in sexual activities with such women. That, to an extent, can be almost as traumatising as heterosexual relations can be to a homosexual!

Anonymous said...

Shlomo,
You accuse others of placing sexual fulfillment on a pedestal, yet it seems to be the only lens through which you look at the issue. Having sexual relations with a spouse who has grown unattractive (in which case you are still able to build a home, family, and life) is far from comparable. As you keep on repeating, it's not all about sexual fulfillment. Homosexuals don't despair because they don't get sexual fulfillment (though it may be frustrating). Homosexuality is the grave challenge it is because of its associated MINDSET. The author of the article is not displaying his sexual frustration, but his socio-psychological frustration. Homosexuals envision and dream of a life completely contrary to that which is put forth by society and by Judaism. Homosexuals are frustrated because they are forbidden from settling down the way that is natural for them, because they cannot build the halakhic home they seek, because their brains and hearts operate outside the realm of societal normalcy. They are outsiders, barred from the life they're programmed to live. It's quite a bit more traumatizing than sleeping with an overweight spouse. You must recognize that the issue has complexity far beyond that which you've demonstrated capacity to comprehend.

Anonymous said...

To the author of this article and to any others who may be going through a similar struggle, I know how difficult this issue is, as there are no simple answers, but just know that you are not alone. Try www.jqyouth.org, its a great group for any frum guys and girls struggling with homosexuality. You can meet others from similar backgrounds, or just bounce these ideas off the other members anonymously through the e-mail list. Either way, knowing that this burden is shared by others helps make it a little bit lighter, and I sincerely hope that you reach out to these people. They can accept you for you who are, and not just judge you for not being who you ought to be.

הצעיר שלמה בן רפאל לבית שריקי ס"ט said...

Anonymous: And how would you be so adept at knowing exactly how homosexuals feel about things? Seems more like empathy than sympathy to me. Either way, I don't think you understand them any more than I do; we were both just conjecturng in the air.

Shame I never followed up with this convo. Either way I just posted about my comments here.

http://sshriki.blogspot.com/2009/11/queer-dilemma.html

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