Tuesday, December 02, 2008

I Believe You Do It So That People Will Love You

The beautiful film "The Duchess" has one wonderful scene that struck me as being incredibly true.

Watch minutes 56-58 of the film. I have transcribed them below, but it happens to be a beautiful scene as well.

GRAY: Did you tell the Duke who you were meeting?


GRAY: Did he even ask?

GEORGIANA: No, he has other things on his mind.

GRAY: As do you.

[GEORGIANA smiles.]

GRAY: Would it help to unburden yourself?

GEORGIANA: It’s nothing I can discuss with you. Besides, it would only bore.

GRAY: You don’t have to please others all the time.

GEORGIANA: It’s what I’ve been brought up to do. Difficult lesson to unlearn.

GRAY: Would you permit me an observation?

[GEORGIANA looks at him; there is pain in her eyes.]

GRAY: I believe you do it so that people will love you.

GEORGIANA: What makes you say that?

GRAY: From what I’ve seen. With your husband, your friends, especially Lady Bess. Even the public.

GEORGIANA: I never thought of it that way before. [angrily, walking away hurriedly, breathing harshly] You make me sound so pitiful.

GRAY: Georgiana! I’ve gone beyond my brief. I apologize. Please believe it was only for your sake that I spoke. [earnestly] Please, tell me what is wrong.

GEORGIANA: [quietly] I fear I’ve done some things in life too late, and others too early.

GRAY: [steps forward] No, you haven’t. [kisses her]


When watching this scene in the theater, I thought, "That line has to be in the trailer." And yet, oddly, it wasn't. I found this strange because of how much it resonated with me, this one line,"I believe you do it so that people will love you." I think that is so true. Beautiful and talented and effectively queen of her society, Georgiana is nevertheless vulnerable, unhappy, and attempts to please others in her efforts to find someone who will love her. And of course, the ironic part is that ideally, a person should not love you due to your efforts to please him, but for the essence of who and what you are. But Georgiana does not know that, and no one was there to teach her it was so, and so it makes sense she remains in this way...searching, yearning, trying to be flawless, and yet deeply unhappy.



aishes ish

Aaron said...

I agree with your take on this scene:"approval junkies" are usually unhappy people.

It is perfectly acceptable to disagree with other people. You don't have to be anyone's "Yes-man" or "Yes-woman." In fact, you will command greater respect from just about everyone you know as soon as you start expressing your honest, heartfelt feelings and opinions, whether or not others agree with you.... as long as you do it in a courteous way.

Scraps said...

Sigh...sounds a lot like me...