Tales of an Entertained Bride

So folks, I'm a bride! Yes, a bride, a maiden soon to be wed, which is variously exciting and fascinating and peculiar. I have discovered wonderful artifacts of clothing that are sold specifically for brides and find myself wishing I could own them. I have talked to pretty salesladies of every age and ethnicity, conferred about shoes and pranced about endlessly. That's the way my cookie crumbles, after all!

Some intriguing observations:

Invariably, every single bridal store I enter informs me that I am the rare exception to the rule because I am happy. Yes, happy to be wed to my soon-to-be husband. It seems their normal clientele is stressed to the point that they forget this is a joyous occasion. I refuse to be stressed to that point by simply ignoring whatever needs to be done. An amusing, if flawed strategy.

I have been offered every method known to man to slim down before my wedding. Facebook tells me about diets and women in stores try to sell me all sorts of contraptions. Does it occur to no one that if the man asked to marry me knowing my size and weight he hardly wishes me to go on some sort of crash diet for his sake? He did use his eyes, now did he not?

In any case, my particular life is such that I chose my bridal gown and selected our lodgings exactly two days prior to my flying out to camp. It was complicated to attempt to offer my say on wedding decisions whilst being forbidden to use a cell phone openly, but I managed it. (Doubtless my years of Bais Yaakov training, with cell phones hidden in bathrooms, aided me.)

In terms of what I do with my everyday life, let us just say that in large part it is completely unconnected to my status as bride, and it makes me laugh when people assume that brides are incapable of using brain space for any other projects during their career as Lady in White. Speaking of which, I finished reading The Woman in White and enjoyed it very much. I'm on a bit of a classics kick; anyone have some new ones to recommend? (Beware, I've read most of them.)

At some point I should detail for you the extremely unique dates that Heshy and I have embarked upon. They range from attending shechitas to wandering through Pomegranate in Brooklyn (it was an exploratory date, and as there were no rain forests, this was considered a good second choice), hanging out with homeless people on the subway, arguing about "Inception," getting arrested (or rather, summoned to criminal court) in Central Park, taking standardized tests and all manner of fun peculiarities that confuse others and delight us.

In any case, onward bound to argue with credit card companies and claim that yes, I do exist, and yes, this is in fact my address.

Have a blessed day, as Jay the Subway Preacher would say.